Here's update.<BR>I saw my H on Monday, we went out to eat and actually it was pretty fun. We(or I asked) talked about him/OW in calm manner.<P>Next day some of the things he didn't answer to my questions made me wonder. so I called him. I asked him about bringing OW in Montreal, because on Monday I asked him not to do it till we legally divorced, then he kinda changed the subject.<BR>Well, I had to ask many questions, like is she coming on Christmas day or new years eve... then he said much earlier than that(HUH!), so I said if she was coming for (american) thanksgiving and he said yes. I just couldn't believe it.. then he goes that he didn't feel comfortable bringing her so he would ask her not to come. But he has a gig in Ottawa on Friday so they were gonna go there together. well, at least if she's not coming to Montreal, it was a little better and I appreciated his effort.<P>But the conversation didn't go very well, I brought up alot of hurtful things he said to me in the past and asked what he felt by saying these things, and at the end he said he shouldn't be talking to me about how he felt because I would turn around and use against him.<P>But he wanted to see me next day(yesterday) and he said he would come over for a tea for a short time.<BR>So he came, and he didn't say anything about OW coming here so I had to bring up.<BR>He said he couldn't calle her to tell her not to come. according to him because we talked till 1:00 in the morning and she was leaving this morning early so he couldn't(what a dumb excuse!). So I became very bitter and told him I understood that all of the things he said last night(like, it's inappropriate to bring her here, he felt uncomfortable bringing her here) was all lies. Then he goes, "she's been planning this for a long time I just couldn't say not to come!" Geez, thanks, well that was the case why he didn't say that from the beginning? Instead he pretended he agreed with me and the last minutes nogody could do anything(to stop her from coming) he just says things like,"Oh, I wanted to do, but well, now it's too late... sorry!). I was very pissed off and I couldn't believe I still believed him. I couldn't press my anger anymore(how long have I been doing this?). First I threw my coffee cup at the floor, then he got scared so he was going to leave then I called him and when he turned around I punched him. I told him that before he told me when this happens(violence) it meant goodbye so this means good bye. He said he tried not to believe I was able to do it, so I told him I was. He was gonna just leave then I said I was sorry and he hugged me so I told him I knew he had an issue with violence but all of the stuff he did in the past was more hurting than being violent. He said he knew. but I was still so upset and I punched a glass window and crashed it.<BR>and he just left.<P>I guess I really ended it didn't I? I feel sad, but I coudln't take it anymore. If he loves OW why can't he say that and bring her here was what HE wants. Instead he says OW wants this and he doesn't want or whatever.. and Why do I keep asking questions when I know I will never be able to get honest answers from him?<P>I'm just writing in confusion. I don't think he will ever contact me and I'm sue it,s good for both of us. I know I will be ok as soon as I don't hear from him for a while, erasing my memory about him.<BR>Today Ow will be in town, yesterday my SIL talked me out of confronting them. Thank God!<P>I will contact a lawyer for paper work for a divorce maybe today after work.<P>I'm very tired.. Now it's OW's turn to Plan A to ease his pains caused by me. Good for them! Like I said I will be ok but right now I don't trust people.. <P>Meg<BR>

{{{{{{meg}}}}}}<P>I am so sorry to hear that, i can feel your pain. I don't think i am able to give some wise advice, but i just want to tell you some things that maybe you couldn't see because of your pain:<P>I think your husband didn't want to lie you, i think he is very confused about your situation. For sure he will call you again, because it seems that he cares about you even though he is with OW. Otherwise he will tell you clearly that he will be with OW for thanksgiving, right now he doesn't know what to do he is very confused. Continue Plan Aing, maybe this will help him see clearly where he wants to be.<P>God bless you

Meg,<P>I'm so sorry you are hurting and so frustrated. I'm glad you are writting stuff here. are you writing in a journal too? Please write all those feelings down.<P>I think your H is trying to please everyone and it just can't happen. He wants to tell you what you want to hear and he doesnt want to hurt OW either. <P>You do seem better when you are in no contact... can you go to plan B do you think? Do you need to hurry into the divorce? Just give yourself time to recover from this before you make any final dicisions please.<P>Hugs to you,<BR>Lora

Meg,<P>It's me! Honey, I'm sooooo sorry this happened ... sounds like you've had such a terrible time. I do understand your rage ... there's been many times I've wanted to pumel my H ... just never had the nerve.<P>I'm on my way out the door, Meg. Otherwise I'd type lots more because I have lots more to say about what happened to you.<P>On my way to a friends for Turkey Day but shall be back by 7:00ish. I'll post to you then, okay.<P>Please be okay Meg ... please don't be hard on your self about this ... we all get so damn angry. <P>You're in my thoughts today, Hon. I'll chat with you here later, okay?<P>Love you,<BR>Jo

trapito, Lora, and Jo,<P>Thank you... I feel a little calm down.. I know I do much better when I'm not in touch with my H. but I guess somewhere in me kept hoping that he would realize everything he has been doing.. but I don't think I can repeat the same thing again and again, next time I don't know what I will do.. and I really don't think he will contact me anymore and like I said I think it's better. It's sad, but I can't be tortured by his actions. I'm not patient, I'm not strong enough to see him while he's living with OW(I asked him this, then first thing he said was "what's the definition of living?" He knew damn well what I meant... so I said if he lived 2 weeks out of a month that's living then he said he didn't feel that he was living with her.. later he said he didn't want to admit he was living with her.. I should stop trying to analyze him now)<BR>I talked to my SIL yesterday and the way she said seemed I looked like the one who can't let him go after he left me and I was the one who had a problem... I guess she doesn't know WHAT he told me and without them I look like that, and I realized it and I hate it...<P>Again, it's better to be alone and hurting than to be with him(occasionally) and hurting. <P>He said he thinks about me everyday. But I don't want to believe it. because then I have to get hurt again.<P>My SIL(H's brother's wife) also told me that I should cut off contact from him. I thought about it.. and I also thought that when I'm doing that(or by now H decided to do!), I will stop any contacts with his relatives.. because they are the reminders. I don't think they care that much anyways..they just accept what my H does and whoever comes with him they welcome with open arms.. I can't accept that.<P>Again, thanks for your thoughts and if you have time please post more.. I need to read..<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 23, 2000).]