Dear friends thanks for the support till now, but things are moving in the wrong direction.<BR>My H moved OW in his (former our) house for serious. She even cancelled her rented apartment (that she did only in one case before-relationship which lasted for two years, but finlly she left that man), my older D has no comments even she says that doesn't disturb her.<BR>From that weekend H didn't take YD to him because she does not like OW (mostly because she knows how they hurted and are hurting me).<BR>For few days I thought that now he'll see how OW really is, or she will not be satisfied with such a life, but after 4 weeks now I think they are becoming more and more in love and they act and function like spouses. But I don't understand why doesn't he fil for divorce at last? Why does he stay formally married with me a woman who does not love for years (his words. He even does not phone me, or come to me to settle some material things he promissed, he doesn't phone YD every day like he used to before she moved in.<BR>I've lost any hope for reconciliation-he doesn't show not a minimum interest in it.<BR>He is 13 months in PA and EA with OW and they live together for3 months now and we are separated for 8 months.<BR>How can anyone see in such a situation any hope for me to move in again. He forgot 21 year in a moment. That's horrible.<BR>I am worried I can't survive, again I started loosing weight, my depression rises and I feel broke.<BR>Please, help, if you can.<P>D2000, Genie, Rick, Jim,other friends, who has some smart idea how to get out from the circle I am in? <BR>Even more I am a sort of woman what can not even imagine another relationship ( and I am not attractive to find someone and I don't want anyone but him), I love him still like I did those days in 1979, I miss him desperately.<P>Pleeeeeease, help<P>------------------<BR>dv

Dear Betrayed and desperate,<P>Sometimes things happened beyond our comprehension and control despite how much we care and love. There is no thank you, I love you back. I was married the first time to an abused orphan who was abusive and wayward to boot. Then I suffer this second setback with my second H who is WS. I am betrayed again and again. People look at me and wonder why such things happen to me because it is the last thing on their minds. I have no answer except that I was too trusting, gave so much to a marriage and made my WS so secure that he never thought I would leave him.<P>At the end of the day, I am in despair but my conscience is right and I can live with myself.<P>I don't know if you are a Christian because Jesus is the One who leads me out of my desperation and into a soothing cove where I can feel His presence and love and healing power. I pray that you can find such wondrous love and that miracles abound in your life when you seek God. I would pray for hedges of protection around your marriage and H that no lover gets to him and vice versa and if OW is now there that God will chase her out of the marriage and your H returns to you.<P>I don't like trials and temptations but they do often make us sit up and take stock of our lives and the priorities and make us better people.<P>I know what you feel right now is hopelessness and jealousy and anger and powerlessness and low self-esteem but you can move on from here. Try to look at the positives in your life despite all the horrid things that are happening now. Please use your talents and try to make something good out of all the rubbish you have right now. think about how you can create something of beauty out of mere twigs, rags, or other supposedly useless materials, and you will know what I mean.<P>I know you feel so unattractive because you feel rejected by your H. Please it is not aways about looks because most of the BS looks better than the OPs. I know I am not only better looking (fashion model) and better educated (postgrad), I am also a funny, loving, caring, witty, warm and enthusiastic person. I attract attention and admiration because of my warmth and laughter and enthusiam about life everywhere I go. BUT my WS had a 2 year A with an ugly chinless woman who drags her feet and gapes for added effect who finally plunged a knife into his flesh and was imprisoned. My father also passed away because of the nymphomaniac. I was suicidal. I lived all my life happy that God blessed me with good and many gifts, and I was generous and kind, taking in an abused and broken man to be my H when I could have much much better men who were also proposing to me. WHY DID SUCH THINGS happen to me so many times? REJECTED again and again, I got up again and again. I cannot take any more such blows but I know that with GOD all things are possible. I thank GOD for the gifts and I know you will, too. I pray that your life begins right now when you MAKE A CHOICE to LIVE IT WELL despite the pain and rejection. Pray hard and God will lead you to a safe and good place.<P>IT IS NOT OVER, life can still be good. Your H may or may not return but you can make it. You will become stronger one day. Let us help you.<P>May God help you<BR>weep

Dear Band D,<P>Hang in there, maybe thier relationship will not fail, but maybe it will. They are still in a honeymoon phase and sounds like you H is still in deep denial.<P>My feelings are since I have no plans for another relationship anyway, and H isn't in a hurry to divorce, why not just sit back, and let things play out with them. You know eventually she will start to nag at him about getting a divorce or the kids or somthing. And when he realizes he does not have a perfect woman this time around either, who knows what can happen? You can just keep moving on with your personal growth and recovery and maybe keep open the possibility that one day thier relatiosnhip may fail and he will come out of the fog.<P>I dont mean to put your life on hold, but just wait awhile before doing anything. Set a date, 6 months or something to take the pressure off of you and have some personal growth goals for that time too. At the end of that time you will be stronger and more confident and maybe more ready to make a decision. <BR>Take care,<BR>Lora

Dear wheep,<BR>unfortunately I am not religious so I can't find help in praying.<BR>Till now I lived in hope that everything will finish, but just opposite, they are more and more in love.<BR>We met together today for 20 min he was cold like ice cube, he showed no emotions, there is no sign that he is even a bit thinking of reconciliaton.<BR>I can not find my self esteem, Ican not find myself at all.I can not organize my life.<BR>The greatest problem is my daughter who is the best kid in the world. But she depends on my moode and I am continuously sad and crying. I lost my only hope, and my life is only surviving.<BR>Thanks anyway please stay in contact<BR>

Dear Lora,<BR>what honeymoon, that's honeyyear. Today we met and I realized there realy is no hope for us. he is happy , satisfied, he doesn't speak about her, but he didnt want a kiss for good bye, I've just succeded touch his hand before he moved it away. He is strange and cold. He shows no sign of willing to come back, he only "wants me to be as much happy as he is" (says to our friend).<BR>So i'll continue surviving but my life is over, I see no future, I am drowning in deep depression again. I can see no way out of the tunnel . I can't see no hope he will go out of the fog. You know even immoral woman like her once decide to settle down, to marry and has kids of her own. So I am afraid she decided to do that with him.<BR>Thanks, please stay in contact<BR>

Dear Be and De,<P>I am sorry to hear that he is cold, and that is quite the response of someone in the fog of an A.<P>The two of you have history - 21 years or so - and maybe that is enough for him to come back. You know your H is at the point where he is doing something selfish and it does happen to millions of women and men all over the world. The only difference is how we, the betrayed, survive and rebuild after such undeserved anguish.<P>I am not doubting your inability to do more than surviving one minute at a time. I know, I have been there, been suicidal and murderous to my baby, and I wished I never have to live another moment of pain and rejection again. It is simply so bad. I couldn't have conquered my hatred for my life, life, my circumstances, my 'trapped' feelings, etc., had it not been for the healing power of Jesus and my friends and family.<P>It is still a struggle everyday to be alive but I think about my baby's life and future, and I think about the difference I can make when I live fully as opposed to just drag on the next several decades. I know it is so unfair and difficult but it is your life, and your parents would hurt to see you like this. I am sad to see myself living with no hope for fulfillment or joy.<P>You have your precious daughter and she should be enough for a while yet. It s now one step at a time. Come here and post and let us hear your deep sorrows and broken heart. It is not over yet, anything can happen. I know the power of prayers and of God, that is why I would highly recommend that you seek him and find solace there. you can go down this site to Women's Bible Study and read about the nature of God and learn a little from there. You can get a bible and read and you can also get the book "The power of a praying wife" by Stormie Omartian.<P>God gave miracles in my life, and I think you can pray because with God by your side, you can only have a victorious life.<P>God help you<BR>weep

Dear Be and De,<P>I forgot to write about the moods and your daughter.<P>Since D-day, I couldn't even give basic care to my infant. It was so bad that we were carted to my sibling home so that I will be watched over and my baby could be cared for some hours per day. I couldn't feed my baby and was crying all the time. My baby saw that and simply closed eyes and slept till my sibling come home during lunch to feed baby.<P>Baby would also hug and kiss me when I cry. Catnip, one of our wisest members, advised me to protect baby from this so that baby is not affected. I then realised that something might be wrong and checked the photos of baby taken after the A was exposed, and I saw the sad eyes that broke my heart and made me resolve not to be unhappy in front of baby. I took baby to a healing ministry and the pastor lay hands and said (Without me trying the pastor anything) God bless you and make you whole again. My baby let out a cry. Baby never cried before - I was the ONE crying all the time, I was the baby for too long. Today, the photos of baby are different - the eyes are happy and mischevious, not scared and sad.<P>I would suggest that you set aside some time to sob your heart out. YOu can see a counsellor to talk things out as well.<P>Give your daughter her childhood back regardless of what your WS is doing. When the years past, your daughter will not have the same childhood, so please try to create sweet memories for her. She deserves it, and you can do it because of the love you have for her. <P>Love<BR>weep<P>