It has been five weeks since I found out my husband was having an Affair with fellow co-worker. He is now living with her on their current assignment in michigan. I have tried plan a, but now he won't talk to me on the phone. Will not read emails, etc. I pretty much think that he is telling me the marriage is over because here it is thanksgiving and he didn't even call. I am not so much concerned about me, but he didn't even call our son. I have no emergency number for him out in Michigan except for his work number and there I can only reach him between 8 - 5. He doesn't tell me he wants a divorce, but his actions tell me that he doesn't want me either. Any advice.

Hi Mische,<BR>It's Thanksgiving and seems like only you and I are here.<P>I don't have any advice for you but just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and you are not alone.<P>You said D day was 5 weeks ago, but do you know when his A started? Because sound like it's been going on for a while.<BR>I think right now maybe anything you do/say annoy him.. I guess it's the best time they are having(sorry).<BR>But I do believe eventually he will realize that this "relationship" isn't the way it seemed. I don't know when but he will find out.<P>How old is your son? I'm very sorry you two have to go through this...<P>You sound very strong, and I know you will be able to protect your son. It's hard to take when your H doesn't even call you and your son on Thanksgiving. I'm very sorry.<BR>But he will come around..<P>Take care of yourself,<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 23, 2000).]

Mische,<P>I'm sorry for what is happening to you. You know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, not alot of time has passed since your discovery. Do you have any idea how long it was going on before you knew? Really though, that isn't so important.<P>If you don't have SAA book yet, you should get it. It really explains things well. The early days of an affair are so glorious, and I suppose the ability for your H and the co-worker to escape and be alone is exciting. As sickening as this is, you have to Plan A if you want your marriage. I know it is hard now since he isn't responding, but do whatever you can. It is important that you realize that this is a fantasy, and it won't last forever. I have trouble convincing myself of that sometimes, so I know how hard it is.<P>You should read my last message to inlimbo if you want to see just how much of a fantasy world the WS lives in....I do a bit of snooping and included some of the trash my wife sends to OM. Rest assured that you aren't alone in your feelings of being worried that your marriage is over. But it isn't. The excitement will not last for your H. Concentrate on making yourself the best you can be. Ask for help if you need Plan A advice.<P>Please don't be giving up and feeling like it is over. As you've probably read on here, it can take awhile. Days can seem like forever under these kinds of circumstances. But hang in there and vent alot to us because we want to help and want to read someday that you are in recovery. I want to be there too! Lets all work towards the same goal.<P>Take care of yourself, and don't forget that you are in the drivers seat...you have a son together...the OW doesn't have that. Him not calling his son indicates his fog level...very high. It just takes time.

Mische,<BR>I know things look pretty grim right now but I am the eternal optimist and I say don't give up. As trite as it may sound, this may blow over and if you are still up for it, your marriage can be saved. My spouse and I are 6 mos. into recovery after he learned about my affair. I have told him everything and he has treated me like dirt but I am trying to stick it out. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this and I will pray for you---please do the same for me. Today was a hard day for me and I am still in a struggle. God Bless You.

I don't know how long the affair was going on. He was in the Poconos on assignment since May and she was there because I met her when I took a cake up for his birthday. Her live in boyfriend also worked for the company and she and the live in had a condo in the poconos and my husband had a condo. Her live in went back to school for his masters in Oregon the beginning of September. I found out about her living with my husband Oct. 22. So I really don't know how long it has been going on. My gut tells me from some clues that I have found since I found out that it started the middle of September. What does it say about her that her live in is only gone two weeks and she starts another relationship with my H. My H is her supervisor and she is his subordinate. She is 27 and he is 42. I just can't believe that he is willing to give up everything we have together for somebody that he has only been with for a few months.

Mische,<P>Please remember that this business of giving up everything is a fog induced illusion, and it won't last. He will just be a lucky man if you are patient enough to be the strong one and maintain you morals because when reality strikes, you will be there for the fall. And you are right, this woman that leaves her live in after he's gone for 2 weeks isn't a good catch. He'll see it eventually.<P>Take care.