Forevertrue,<P>I read your posts on dream analysis, and you said you have been a psychic on and off.<P>Since finding out my H's A, often I wanted to see a psychic. But I wasn't sure how I could find good one. A couple of days ago I had a fit and I started to think that again, then I saw your post. I'm not sure if you can help me, but if you can, I really appreciate it.. IF you don't mind analysing about me what do you need? Birthdate??<P>Besides that, I had this dream when I was so devastated right after the D day.<P>I was at a classroom, I was sitting left side of the room. My H was there too and he was sitting on the right side. OW was sitting front of my H. That day we were supposed to show our project in front of the people. it was OW's turn and she showed us a short film she shot. She looks a little like Scully from X-file so she made a palody of it.. and while the film was running I kept checking on my H's reaction from far left, and he looked impressed because she once said(when she came over to our place) she was kinda annoyed people tole her she looked like her. Anyway the film ended and she went back to her seat. Then I saw my H's lips move like "it was great" then he tried to kiss her. Then I stood up and went to them and I raised a chair at her to scare her. He tried to protect her with his arms, and I dropped the chair and told H, "I just wanted to scare her, I wasn't gonna do it", but they left the room without words.<BR>I went back to my seat feeling down. then a young boy(around 8-10) came in. He came to me and said to follow him. We both went outside of the room, I was thinking that I was going to be sent to principle's office and get a detention! There were many people in the corridor and the boy pointed at a woman and told me to go see her, saying "tell her that I sent you". So I went to see her and we didn't say anything but I knew she was a therapist.<P><BR>What do you think? I know I have an anger issue. if you can tell me anything I'm very greatful.<BR>By the way I think I started to see a therapist before I had this dream.<P><BR>Thank you,<P>Meg<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 25, 2000).]

Hi MF<P>Be very careful about your choice of psychic, only go by word of mouth regarding reputation. Do not go for anyone that does a lot of advertising, a good psychic has no requirement to advertise, people that have been to them are the best advertisement of all.<P>Your dream - indicates that you like order in your life, and you like authority over your circumstances, you hate to have anything left to fate. Hence your school room and project. You fear that if you say to much regarding the situation to your husband that you may push him away but the dream indicates that you are controlling your anger and stuffing everything down inside of you. Not healthy, being healthy is not always plan A'ing sometimes you have to say what is on your mind without feeling that you are going to stuff things up. You have a good master of the English language and you are well versed in how to choose your words to make a point, get it out before you choke on it. Say what is on your mind with loving toughness. Not control.<P>I feel your situation is ready to take a turn for the better, but it will require you to become who you used to be and not what you think your H wants you to be now. He does not know what he wants. Also I feel you should prepare for some kind of shock regarding the OW. Is she out of the picture yet.<P>Forevertrue<BR>

Forevertrue,<P>Thank you very much for responding. Yes I guess I like in order.. I want things in the right way, and my situation right now is not right and I hate it.. My H moved out and H and OW are doing pretty well(so it seems but H says no), and I get resentful that if things are well first he should end this relationship with me(meaning get divorce). I pushed really hard on this one because I couldn't take it anymore. Right now he's working on the divorce paper.<P>When you wrote things would get better I wonder how.. Maybe it means I get divorced and move on my life and do well because right now I can't think we'll be ever be like lovers.<P>And about OW... Well, the thing which can shock me is maybe her getting pregnant. I just called her because she lives in the States and I live in Canada and she had a nerve to come her to visit my H(for thanks giving.. and because of that I punched my H). She didn't answer and I just heard her voice on the voice mail. Her voice seemed to tell me she wasn't that kind of person I thought before.. I thought she was weak and naive.. but the voice seemed that she was competitive and calculating..<P>I had this dream around April, and things got worse after this, and now when I talk to my H I end up trying to control his actions.. I used to have a hard time expressing myself but now I think I say too much..<P>Thanks again,<P>Meg<BR><p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 27, 2000).]

Dear MF<P>My feeling is you should not pursue the D process. I feel that has been seen by your H as another way of control. I feel that there is still a lot of hope for you and him. But stop pursuing even the D. Just get more focused on you and back off. No more calls to OW, let it run it's course. It's not going anywhere fast. You must learn to listen to your H, he is obviously trying to tell you something when he says things are not going well for them. <P>Get what you have to say out and then do not keep repeating it. Be you again and just get on with your own things. Focus, focus, focus on you.<P>You still can turn this thing around. D or no D you have to get you right.<P>Be kinder to yourself and I wish you all the best.<P>I do not feel pregnancy for this woman, that would spoil her plans.<P>Forevertrue

Forevertrue,<P>Thanks for the response. I really appreciate it..<P>I need to ask some more questions(sorry).. about D process.. IF that makes me feel free to date, do you think it's ok to do this. Yes you are right I tried to control him, because I couldn't stand that he was seeing OW while he's still married. If he likes her that much he should get divorce first. I made up my mind that I won't see anyone till I become single again. But obviously married or not married wasn't very important to him. Also after causing me so much pain I thought at least he could do this to take responsibility for his actions. But some friends said that I shouldn't think about H, if getting divorced make me feel better I should go and do it.. So now I started to think that way.<P>I know at least one more time I will see him(for some leagal stuff--not related to D), but after that I don't know.. because I feel I crossed the line by being violent. And I know he can't handle violence very well.<P>What I thought was if I ever see him I won't ask him about OW, himself, us. then our conversation won't go to the dangerous area.<P>About H, the reasons I don't trust him anymore is after me telling him I needed the honesty he still couldn't be and seemed he wanted to be nice to both me and OW.. and at the end I was the one who got hurt. So when he said they(he and OW) aren't doing that well I just took that as a manupilation, to make me stick around.<P>But I will remember what you said. I will nice to myself, and I will find a better way to communicate, not attacking H.<P>Thank you so much,<P>Meg <p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 27, 2000).]

double post<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 27, 2000).]

Dear MF<P>I can relate to your feelings regarding the D and being free to date. I feel very much like you on that one. BUT the boundaries have been broken by your H and whatever you had with him will never be the same again, so regardless of the marriage certificate or divorce papers you are in a situation that you can control whatever way you want. Personally, either way, it all comes down to what you want to do. Do you really want to date or is that what others think you should be doing.<P>I think you will know when you are ready to do what you want. Go over to the Divorce Busting site and read the threads on Advice from Wise Divorce Busters, it will give you <BR>another angle on how to handle your anger and attitude towards your H. My feeling is I am not a Plan A person, but I have used the techniques from the Divorce Busting site to very good use. Get the book and give it a go.<P>I feel very strongly that your H is in conflict regarding what is going on in his life. I think because you are pushing for the D he feels there is no point in pursuing you. Back off and see what happens.<P>You will survive this, you are a strong lady that just needs to re-focus on you.<P>Forevertrue<P>

Forevertrue,<P>I thought about what you said.. Dating, well my friend/SIL suggested this. And right now I don't feel like dating but I want to feel free to date when I want to. I want the freedom of it.<P>And I'm not looking at restoring our marriage so D is the only way for me. I also don't want to be resentful about his actions because I'm still married to him. He broke whatever we had but doesn't mean I need to, too.<P>I checked the divorce busting sute and it is very interesting. I will try to get a book from there. Thank you for letting me know about this site.<P>I wrote an e-mail for him yesterday, and I wrote some stuff about controling.. also I offered that I would take over for D procedure. For me this divorce paper is very important for myself, and I don't think I can stop this process anymore.. because I don't want to be married anymore, and I want to enjoy my single life.<P>Yesterday close to midnight someone called and hung up on me. I wonder who that is!<P>Thank you so much for taking your time for me! I realized about myself which I didn't know and I thank you for that.<P>Meg<BR>