Hello everyone,<P>Lately I have varying moods about this whole thing, so I'm just expressing thoughts. This keeps changing, but tomorrow is when my wife wants to break the separation news to the kids. I snoop alot, and wife and OM have really heated up the passion since she moved out to her own place. I assume that this is the excitement and novelty of having her freedom to spend nights with OM.<P>I find that some days I feel empowered and in control, armed with the knowledge I have from MB, and the whole fog thing. I figure she is on a bubble and it will burst someday. Then the next day I might feel fearful that the bubble might not burst, because the EA (and eventually PA) started over 5 months ago I believe. But I think I know better, and the flame will eventually diminish.<P>The prospect of telling the kids really makes me sick. Just putting them to bed tonight, thinking this is the last night they will go to bed with everything the way their world has always been makes a knot in my stomach. I don't understand sometimes how she can so easily want to do this, with no attempt at ever working on us. Just an announcement that she was leaving the marriage and that was it. Translation - I found someone. I don't understand, yet I do because of MB.<P>I rather that the kids just continue to stay with me, and she can run around and do her thing till something changes. However, looks like that won't be. Assuming they will begin spending half of the time with her, I need to restructure what I do with my time. Although this is awful, maybe in the end it is what will rattle her world, so is required. It will be the first time she is really on her own with the kids in the past several months, not able to run out and do her thing. I plan on being busy when I don't have them. More work, more going out to movies, seeing friends that I haven't seen much lately, and home improvements. I'll let her know that I'm doing well and making the most of my time. It has been all her going out the past 8 months essentially, now it will be my turn to have a bit of fun.<P>In the meantime, she'll have to clean, cook, and do laundry for a change. She'll have the kids on her own, without me there, she'll have to do garbage, shovel the driveway by herself with 2 kids, clean the car off (it is cold here in Canada!), pack clothes and toys to send back and forth, drive our son to school each morning she has the kids (I live right behind the school), do her own finances, budget wisely, pay the bills, deal with any issues from the children, since I'm sure my oldest (almost 5) won't like that he is not in our home, and not see her kids every day. She'll have to stay home if the kids are sick on her days, because in the old days, I did it because my job was kind of flexible. Her job isn't as flexible, so that will be a surprise when it happens. The past 5 months has been all fun for her, spending time with OM and living the fantasy. I hope that the new life she has will crack it. If not, I'll eventually start a Plan B, and that will shock her, because she envisions a life of us being friends, doing things with the kids together, yet I suppose she figures she'll get her ENs from OM. Plan B would throw a wrench into it all, I would think, because she would not see her kids half the time. I would suffer in that way too, but I'd be doing it to eventually recover.<P>Anyway, just wanted to verbalize some thoughts. I hope that reality seeps into her life and starts eating at the fantasy world she has with the single OM, who apparently doesn't want a married woman with 2 kids, yet continues to be her lover. What is she thinking? Or perhaps he has changed his mind. Either way, I do figure it will not last. They haven't experienced reality yet.<P>Does this sound accurate? Any words of wisdom for me? Thanks. Take care everyone.<p>[This message has been edited by Rick37 (edited November 24, 2000).]

Rick - <BR>I don't have any words of wisdom - I just know how you feel. My H (WS) has had our 4 children since Wednesday and when i talked to them tonight our 3-yr old just sobbed and said she wanted to go to bed at mommy's. Later, after calming her down, H called me and said that he thought he might bring them home tomorrow instead of Sunday as planned. I want what is best for them, of course, but at the same time I have so much anger that his behavior is why we are where we are. I tried hard not to LB but it is so difficult. All i can say is be patient - the fog may lift when reality sets in.

Rick<BR>I believe the fog of the affair can go on for quite some time. Remember when you first fell "in love" the feelings were certainly more than a few months. They say these feelings can last from 6 months to 2 years. I believe there is certainly a factor that works against these feelings, that being the guilt and all the other difficulties experienced in trying to turn an affair in to a long term relationship. These are what eats away at and hopefully finally destroy the affair. As you are aware all you can do is stay the enticing alternative to the OM. It is hard to stomach I know.<P>Like you say her having the kids will restict her, maybe it will be advantageous in one way because now she is living a life of total freedom. The kids may bring her back to the reality of what married life is all about. My wife is constantly looking for time for herself and the OM without my D. They want the best of both worlds with you being the ever handy baby sitter. A tough role I know. I realise that breaking the news to them will be a difficult time for you Rick. If you are like me you feel more sorry for them than you do for yourself or your wife as they are really the innocent victims that end up worts off out of all this. What does it teach them of relationships. I know your are quite young and it may be that in time they will be affected much less than if they were a little older, not much consolation I know.<P>Certainly when you have the time to yourself this is time to work on yourself and as you say have some fun. Even more important let her know and show her how much fun your having. This always has an effect on them when you show them you are getting on with your life, believe me it was what turned my W around the first time.<P>If the OM doesn't want a married woman with 2 kids this is going to be a big factor in their relationship as when the kids are there they are going to be a souce of irritation to him when he wants attention. My W already told me that this is one of the areas of concern in their relationship as the OM has never had kids and he resents the time my W gives our D. My D is now 12 yrs old, imagine how he would have been with 3 - 5yr olds. <P>Hope this perspective helps a little as these were all things my W and I discussed when she first came back. However she has obviously forgotten all these problems now as she embarks on a new life with the OM again. Perhaps she thinks she will change him (just being cynical).<P>Regards<BR>Inlimbo

Rick<P>Know that today is to be the day to tell the kids. Good luck. Prayers are being said for all of you, especially your children.