Hoping for some advice...<P>My wife has formed an EA with a co-worker 3 mos ago, and 1.5 mos ago I got the "I don't feel in love" session. Looking thru phone records they have been speaking 3-10 times a day. Also have been occurances of her working as much as possible in order to be there, or lying about who was going on a short trip (she said he wasn't going when he was). <P>I know that I wasn't meeting her emotional needs for conversation or companionship, we were doing separate recreational activities each PM. I thought she wanted it that way, but now I see my mistake. It seems her nature is to avoid conflict... she goes from Intimacy straight to Withdrawl. Although she was unhappy for a long time about various things, when she finally melted down and told me there was a problem it was almost as if she had already grieved and was ready to separate right then.<P>The OM is single, about 5 years younger. I got the typical "we're only friends" lines, but she hid some photos which showed them holding each other at a local park, a bit to friendly to just be friends. And 5-8 phone calls and beeper hits a day is not normal. When I see her on the phone with him she is pleased, smiling, talkative.<P>I've been doing Plan A for the past month and a half, with very little response from her. She is obviously conflicted with feelings for the OM. Not sure if it has gone PA. Now she is talking about moving out to her own apartment next week... happens to be the same town as the OM (surprise, surprise). We have a 9 year old (step daughter to me) and twin 3 year olds (ours), all girls.<P>With Plan A in mind, I've decided to keep the finances normal and keep the ring on to encourage her return. I figure I will probably let this continue until I'm miserable enough to file for legal separation. I have a fear that since I'll have the kids 2 out of 3 nights (due to her 24 hour shifts) the OM won't get a full taste of what its like to have 3 kids full time.<P>Recently when I was out of town for 4 days on a business trip, the OM was in our house, and she made a huge dinner, and had him playing with the kids. I feel like she is auditioning my replacement! <P>She says she hopes we can work things out, that she "needs time to be alone and think".<P>Advice Please: Since she will not agree to quit seeing the OM/quit her job (I didn't demand it but she said herself that thats what it would take), should I be upbeat and encourage her to get out on her own (apartment) and figure out what she really wants? This is my current state of mind, but I need a sanity check. Seems the only way to get moving toward progress is to be supportive and suggest she actually spend time with him to either allow things to fly or die... and reach a resolution one way or another??<P>Also: At what point should I enter into a "legal" separation detailing the finances, e.g., should we split out the checking accounts, credit card bills, divvy up furniture and such, not to mention visitation and child support? May make her realize the ramifications of separation/divorce? Her job is only minimum wage, but would be getting child support from me.<P>Thanks for any advice or thoughts!!!!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Survivin (edited November 26, 2000).]
