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Joined: May 2000
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popeye Offline OP
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Hi all!<P>Hope you all had a nice holiday.<P>Things here are good. I am getting along fine as a nearly single woman- still not divorced and don't know when it will be final, but I am pretty much living like it's done. Not dating, but just not so bothered by the whole drama of the past year.<P>Anyway, here's the latest deal. The H is still trying to have sex with me. I told him if he didn't care about me, didn't want to take me out and be seen in public with me, and if I couldn't come to his house (that he shares with the OW), I didn't want him as a sex partner. Well, he said I was welcome to come to his house. Could I meet him over there right now?<P>Huh? Now, I expect that he thought I'd back down. I didn't answer. It's not that I want back into the mud again. It's more like I was shocked. Do you think he is serious? It sounds kind of sick, but I am rather intrigued by the thought of having sex with my husband while the OW is downstairs listening. A sick form of payback. Do I think this would ever really happen? No, I think he's bluffing, but what do you all make of that?

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you could call his bluff and head over. you dont need to have sex with him to call his bluff. but then do you really want to reenter the fray? beside that, its what you think that really matters at this point.<P>

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Hey Popeye,<P>How are you????<P>Well ... here's my 2 cents worth ...<P>I think you should call his bluff ... but I also think if he ends up being serious that you make it a non-imtimate visit. Knowing he has been sleeping w/OW and who knows who else, you may chance disease ... plus if you're like me you may end up feeling an emotional pull or imprint again with him if you have sex. I, myself, cannot have one without the other. (no Sports Sex for me and I believe you're made of the same cloth [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] ) <P>Popeye, I may be wrong, but I know you still have a degree of love for this man who has hurt you so badly. There will probably never be another that will take that particular spot in your heart BUT ... I don't think you want to chance hurting simply to get a rise out of his sleazy OW. She's not worth the effort ... just knowing you could do it should satisfy you, don't you think??? I mean, don't you think that mental images and making the right choice, knowing you could do other, can make you feel proud of yourself? You can get the same satisfaction from CHOOSING not to participate. You have the control. Make sense?<P>Love,<BR>Jo

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Sounds to me like he is bluffing, but I don't know your H. Sounds to me to be a bit manipulative as well. I would proceed with caution...and I would also have to ask if really calling his bluff is worth it, what do you have to gain from it. I know that if my H would even hint that he would like to be intimate with me I would probably feel the same way you do, confused. I would proceed with caution. I never believed that the holidays could stir up a lot of emotion in people, but then again, never been through anything like this...be careful. Sounds like you have done a lot of growing, and no need for him to hurt you further...or manipulate you.<BR>cp

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popeye Offline OP
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I think you all are right. It was a temporary bit of mindlessness and thinking, "what it...?" I am really not interested in going there and am definitely not into "sport sex" or "revenge sex". It would just be too sleazy anyway. Imagine- doing it in the bed they have been in over and over again while she is probably lurking outside the door with a knife in her hand! ha! No, that is way more drama than I want or need.<P>As for does he want to keep his assets? Well, I was told by my lawyer that nothing he does now will interfere with the divorce process- not even sleeping with him... as long as he doesn't move back into the house- and that is not going to happen.<P>No, I think it was just about his wanting sex. Plain and simple. The OW was out of town (and I knew that) or else he never would have suggested that I come over. Yep, he's just trying to have his cake and eat it too.<P>I'm not biting, not curious, not even interested. Do I still love him? Yes, but I love myself more and deserve better.<p>[This message has been edited by popeye (edited November 26, 2000).]


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