This is what he told his sister.<P>Well if we are on vacation, I want to be in Aruba!<P>But the semi good news is, she told him he needed counseling and to call me and he said he had thought about it. In the past he had said no way to counseling, but maybe he was just pacifying her to stop her from lecturing him. She said he felt like everyone blamed him. The other thing I liked was that when he said we were seperated to figure out what we wanted, she said no, thats not right, Lora knows what she wants. And he admitted that he knew I wanted our marriage. Well, maybe thats not such a good thing cause he seems to know I am sitting at home waiting for him to make up his mind.<P>She thinks he would be open to a call from me. I dont know if I should call him or not. Have been toying with the idea of asking him out for his birthday.<BR>Lora

Hi Lora,<P>Just wondering. Do you have the money to purchase a ticket and fly out and see him. I mean suprise visit. You might have a better understanding of where you stand. I think it very odd to move that far away without something going on. <P>What do you think? You can tell me I am crazy but I really wonder if he is not up to something.

Sorry,<BR>I was not clear. His choice of a vacation spot is a crowded apartment compex about 20 min away from where our home is.<BR> I just wish I was in aruba instead of here in this life. <P>Lora

Lora,<BR>If he thinks you are at home just waiting, how about getting out a bit?<P>I'm trying to remember, but don't you have kids, it would seem he's not seeing them either? I don't see anything wrong with having this SIL contact H & say that you need an evening (or weekend) without the kids.<P>You do need to take care of you. I'm still working on trying to get interested in something other than my marriage--it's been the major focus of my life for well over 2 years--and I feel hesitant in taking my eyes off it. My interests disappeared somewhere along the line, my own fault--and lack of energy.

Lora,<P>If you knows you are at home waiting for him, that's good. It's one less thing for the poor guy to be confused about. But waiting for him doesn't mean you have to sacrifce your life. Get out and do somehting fun. Go do something by yourself that you really like but haven't had a chance to do lately. Take care of yourself!<P>cleo

Lora,<P>I don't want to crush your hopeful thoughts, but my H said the same thing(not once.. so many times). He always says he needs to see a therapist.. He has been saying this since LAST YEAR!!! And he hasn't gotten any help yet. Maybe your H is not like my H and maybe he means it, but even if your H thinks he needs to see a counselor doesn't mean he's going to.. If he's serious about it he's not gonna wait another day to make an appointment.<P>Your H is still in a deep fog. I don't know if you should call him or not.. (I hope someone come here with a good idea!) Is he the type when he messes up he doesn't want to make a move from his side? or he comes to you and says sorry? I guess the action you should take is depends on his character..<P>That's all I can say... no help here(sorry)<P>Meg <BR><p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 27, 2000).]

Lora,<BR>I guess if I had all the right answers ,I wouldnt be in the situation I am in.Just wanted you to know I am here for you.Praying for you.<BR> Beth

Lor,<BR>No, no kids so no excuse to call him. I have been getting out most weekends. I guess I meant it more that he knows I want our marriage so he is just hanging out taking his sweet time waiting for a revolation about if he wants it or not.<P>Cleopatra,<BR>Well, I did feel good about that because when this all started he said why should I care since I didnt love him and want our marriage anyway. So one of my goals has been to show him I care and love him and want our marriage. and I feel like I have accomplished that at least.<P>Meg,<BR>Yes I'm trying to keep low expectations cause I doubt that he will make the effort, but I cant help but analyze and look for positives to give me a little hope. I do wonder if I made the first contact how he would respond. I would gladly do it if I thought it was the right thing to do and would make it easier for him.<P>Beth,<BR>Well, I guess we are all in the dark about what to do to get through to them, Keep going back to patience.....<BR>Lora<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Lora (edited November 27, 2000).]

Lora,<BR>Sorry about getting mixed up about you not having kids. I must have mistaken you for me (Lora/Lor) .<P>This is one of those times you need a crystal ball whether you should initiate contact or not. It's too bad he wasn't at Thanksgiving, I really think that would have been a good connection.<P>I know I wouldn't have lasted as long as you have without contact, so I can't be of much help--just sending good thoughts your way.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).