I have been married for three years to a wonderful man. Just recently he expressed to me that he has not been happy for the last three years. I had no idea it was that bad, he always expressed his love for me in various ways so I did not understand. Earlier this year he hired a F/co-worker he recruited himself from a retail store at the mall to work w/him. Well the way he approached her, any female would think he was picking up on her but he ended up hiring her. Time went by and he would bring her up in conversations explaining that they went to lunch together etc.. I felt uncomfratble about it because I felt he was becoming too much of a friend to her. I later find out through other means that he is carpooling his M/co-worker and her too. I would of loved it if he would of told me and not fnd out through other means. He then started acting different, he seemed so away from me, and very unintrested. I started attacking him w/questions on what's wrong, why are you acting this way etc...He said we had a boring sex life and that's when he threw the bomb at me about not being happy w/me for the last 3 yrs. I was crushed and trying to understand it all I was trying to be a better wife. He starts to spend less time at home, or is always busy. I later find out that he is helping her find an apartment in a better neighborhood because her exsisting is unsafe. I could not believe his concern. I was so hurt, he not only finds her a job, but he takes her to work and now he's finding her a home, what's next? The worse, I come across the two as he's driving her around town for an apartment, oh God I just hated that moment. We met and talked, I felt that she had something to hide. I have confronted him several times about and affair with her or someone else. Everytime it's a No! He decided that the best thing was for us to separate, so he moved out. It was awful! He said we could not date other people, that it was not the kind of separation that allowed us that chance. As hurt, confused, and what ever else any of you who have or are going through this have felt I felt! It has been a little over 1 month. He calls me at times, or sometimes comes over. He states he is not ready to return because he's unsure he wants to return home. He's living with a M/friend I know. During this time, I have come to know the Lord and I am very happy for that. I love my husband and I forgive him for anything that has happened. I pray daily that the Lord touch his soul as he's touched mine. Until this day, I am unsure if he's had an affair w/F co-worker or not, but I leave it to the Lord. Anyone out there have any advice for me?

Welcome to the club...I don't know if I have any good advice because I'm pretty new at this and busy riding the emotional "rollercoaster". My thoughts are that there exists some people in the world who, no matter how happy they may seem or who may have things going so well for them, just believe deep down in their heart that the grass is greener on the other side. I think that my wife is that way. These people seem to always be on the lookout for better opportunities for themselves which is a good thing, a good trait to have. Until it spills over to infidelity. I can't give you an answer for this rationale that I believe does exist but don't feel alone cause we are all in the same boat here.

Hurt -<P>I think you've already given yourself the best piece of advice - have faith and pray.<P>Whether he had an emotional affair or physical affair with this OW, the fact remains that the relationship bothered you. The only advice I can give you is to try and read up on some of the books recommended on this site - particularly Surviving an Affair and His Needs, Her Needs.<P>Your H states that he has been unhappy for the past three years - then why did he marry you? My thoughts is that somewhere along the line some of his emotional needs were not being met, someone comes along and starts meeting those needs, then all of a sudden he comes out with - I've been unhappy for the past three years - then why didn't he say something, right? Maybe he didn't know what is was that was missing - until perhaps this other person came along.<P>I'm not saying that he had an affair, but this OW - with him helping her find an apartment, etc. . . maybe he feels needed by her, I don't know.<P>I am a former WS, and I can tell you that I wasn't looking to have an affair. I thought my H and I were "happily" married, we had a few minore problems - but I never, ever thought that I would have an affair. For me, there are a lot of reasons that could explain why I was vulnerable to having an affair - most of it was low self-esteem, some of it could have been that my emotional needs were not being met. But, I think another part of it was - that even though I went to church often, had good moral values, etc. . .My relationship with God - where I relied on Him and his guidance - was very weak. Where I had been able to resist temptation in the past, well, the affair came at a time when I was at rock bottom - both emotionally and spritually. From the outside looking in, you would have never thought that I would be oneto have an affair, but I did.<P>Try to read up on infidelity. The His Needs, Her Needs book - really explains a lot about how one person can go along thinking nothing is wrong and the other person feels like nothing is right.<P>But continue to pray. When I finally turned everything over to God - that's when I found the strength to pull myself out of my own despair - the despair I had created by having an affair.<P>If you haven't read the concepts on this site - try reading about Plan A. And hopefully others will be along to provide you with some other advice.