After a rocky marriage of almost 2 years (together for a year prior) I took my daughter and moved in with mom. You see my hubby is an alcoholic. And his drinking got worse. Then there were the MANY woman. Five that I know of. I had enough. But when I left I still kept in contact with him. Hoping our marriage would survive. But the weeks that followed showed me that my marriage was over. So I eventually meet a man, had several dates with him and we even went away for a weeked. The weekend I went away my hubby tried to contact me. Obviously I wasn't around. When I returned back to my mom's my hubby came over and I told him I went away. Of course he was mad. But then he told me (like so many times before) he was going to give up drinking. Well actions surely speak loudly. And he has been sober for around 45 days. I broke up with my other relationship. But in a weird way I don't feel guilty about that relationship. I've been very honest with hubby. But he asks if I felt like a "cheap whore" That was mean and he did apologize. I bring up the fact that he had many other woman. But he says it was because of his drinking. Do I feel he is a changed man. YES. Does he love me YES. Do I think he is having an affair NO. But he doesn't trust me. And he gets upset if he thinks about me being with another man. He says that he didn't have sex with these other woman (I do believe differently). But I want to give our marriage a chance. Especially since he is committed to being sober and commited to being with just me. Am I committed to my husband YES. Am I interested in having an affair NO. But hubby feels I did something so terribly, terribly wrong. I don't. I was going on with my life. Can anyone help me sort out this confusion? I have moved back home. Back two weeks now. It is wonderful to be back. I just want my marriage to work!!

Hey HarleyMom, sorry you had to join the club. You will find a lot of great help here, as we have all been in similar situations. I'm also married to a recovering alcoholic/cocaine addict. Alcohol instigated his affairs as well (except for PA/EA w/co-worker a year and a half ago). Alcohol lowers inhibitions, and causes people to do things that they wouldn't ordinarily do. Along with the fact that many, many men are good at separating themselves from certain situations, affairs are very easy to come by.<P>If your H is making a true committment to quit drinking, then that's a great step. As far as you seeing somebody else, many people have different stances on whether that's considered cheating or not. If you want your marriage to work, do everything that you can to let your H know that you love him. He does have a right to be upset - he may have taken you for granted for a while, but it still hurt him to see the woman he loves with someone else. <P>Don't throw his A's back in his face. Nothing justifies an affair - NOTHING - but that still doesn't give you the right to hurt him (even though you feel that you did nothing wrong, it's a LB for him.). If your goal is to make your marriage work, apologize, let him know that you love him, and let that be it. If you get defensive over it, it will just erupt into a fight, and it will hurt your marital efforts.<P>I wish you the best of luck!

My H also has a prob with alcohol. It did not give him the strength to stray from home, but it did help him to hide AT home from us and responsibility of family and spouse.<P>His A is still going on although it is long distance, and his PA is rare, it is mostly EA. He has slept with her on one business trip since I have found out in Aug, and as far as I am concerned it will be the last. I have set a boundry there. I know that all will remain as is until after Xmas. he has made that one decision.<P>He is still drinking. He "slowed" down for a while, but as stress returns, and his sheer inability to talk to me without feeling like a wounded child(for some reason) brings back the need. Our therapist says he should go to AA. I have thought so for years. Any one who uses Alcohol for escape, or even drinks more than one ounce(a shot) a day, has a problem. <P>You know this. Sorry. Sometimes I sort it out in my mind as I write to others. It helps me to understand all he deals with. It helps me with patience.<P>Now, I am not clear, did you sleep with the OM while you were dating him? I realize where your marriage was at the time, there is no fault there. It is important thta your H realize the full extent his drinking had on you and your child. The women, the lack of money, etc. Hit an Al-Anon meeting. They are very helpful in this area. It is for you, spouse(or family member) of the alchoholic. <P>Or write an anger letter. Try and express only your feelings and the situation that brought them on; but offer no advice or deliver expectations in it. Just share your feelings--shame, anger, digust, abandonment,fear, etc. Be honest and share it with him WITH a therapist. If you don't have one , find one. One that will see you both. <P>You both need to start again. The future looks bright, though!

Thanks for the responses! Yes I did 'sleep' with this other man. Hubby knows that. <P>I also am in alanon and we attend a group for couples in recovery.<P>I have a terrible problem with depression and now am on meds and attend regular therapy sessions. These help. <P>I let him know everyday that I love him. We talk more now than ever before. When we are having 'bad' days we try even harder to help each other out. I don't bring up his drinking and what it has done to me. I save that for therapy.<P>I'm very proud of his recovery from alcohol and I have hope for our future. It will be a long road....but I believe we can do it!<P>Oh by the way....like some of the others. Girlfriend #4 is pregnant. She really doesn't know who the father is. For some time now she has been wanting to name my husband. I think because he is a good father (we have five kids). This use to scare me....but since I'm fairly certain that it isn't his child, we will just cross that bridge when and if she names him on the birth certificate.<P>