My husband of 12 years and I split 3 months ago. He came to me and said he had feelings for a co-worker and wanted to see if he could make a relationship with her since ours wasn't fulfilling for either of us. I told him to leave, which he didn't want to do, but knew he had to. We have 4 children together who although they miss their father, are happier because there is no arguing or as stressful of a home environment now. We have been talking almost every day since he left. I have tried shutting him out but it doesn't work. We still have unresolved feelings for each other and because we know we didn't try everything to fix our marriage before we split we can't let go. His girlfriend is 7 years younger than him and doesn't know where she is going in life yet. She doesn't know if she can accept the kids completely and she still has feelings for an old flame herself. They both know that in another world they would make it work, but there are too many obstacles now. My problem is I don't know whether to try with my husband again or let him go. He still hasn't broken it off with her and doesn't really want to because if we can't make it work then he wants her. There are still a lot of unresolved issues from the past that we have along with communication problems, that we don't know if we could make it work either. Should I give him a chance or try to move on????

If there's any chance to make your marriage work, then you should try. It sounds like you are both leaning towards your marriage. Your Husband however must stop all contact with this OW and focus on you and your relationship. He just can't have his cake and eat it too. My H felt the same way about his OW, but he realized in order to truly commit to us he couldn't possibly have her "waiting in the wings" it just doesn't work that way. You both need to work on fulfilling each other's needs. Check out the Plan A section on this website.<BR>It will be hard work indeed, but at least you will be able to say that you truly did your best no matter what the outcome. <BR>I have good feelings about you though - God Bless.

Welcome <B>mother of 4</B>...<P>I have a post of general welcome I wish to share with you... <P>It has a lot of quick links to many of the <B>most</B> important MB sites...<BR>Click here ==> <A HREF="http://pages.ivillage.com/re/mb_nsr/MB_GW.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome for All New Builders(Newbies)</A><P><B>About your post</B>...<P>Alberta's right...<P>...you're at the stage of wondering if the marriage will work.<BR>...if you let this stage just keep on going with no definative direction...<BR>...would always wonder... "could it have worked".<P>I'd suggest you take this opportunity to find out wif you can fix the marriage, then guess "what might have been."<P>Start with the MB <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A>...<BR>...check out <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A> for some mechanics.<BR>... and give it some time.<P>Be honest with you H that you <B>are</B> giving him some time...<P>...then if it doesn't work...<BR>...go to <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>.<P> <P>Jim

Welcome mother of 4,<P>Only you can decide whether it is worth it to try again. This site and Dr. Harley's books can give you the tools if you do want to know what could be. Even for those that it has not worked, they go on with their lives knowing they gave it all and learned many lessons in the process.<P>My h and I are now doing very well after his 2 years of affairs with two different women. We have two small kids who were indifferent when he wanted to leave, but now adore him.