Just wondering how your trip to the LA area was?

Rick...<P>Hey thanks for asking. We actually had a great time. I call it a stuff-sack vacation. You know, the kind you keep cramming things into and are amazed it fits.<P>We took in all the usual things that involve kids...Disneyland, Universal, Knott's Berry Farm..then went to Tijuana for a reality check for our children. They were shocked to see children their own age and younger living in abject poverty, hanging onto their sleeves asking for money.<P>The best part of the trip for me was the safety of knowing that the OM was 1000 miles away, that I would not run into him and I had the total company of my W. I used it as a new start on our healing. <P>Before we left I was dealing with a severe case of anger...toward the OM mostly, but also with my W. I was just fed up with what had happened to me, that I was doing all the work(at least the majority of it), and the hard reality that I could keep giving and get little in return. I caused my marriage to form a sort of negative loop...the anger caused me to be very unattractive to my W, she didn't want to respond to the good moments, and I in turn got more angry when I couldn't get a response. So, I used the trip to break the cycle, and so far it is sucessful.<P>I made the effort to turn off the anger. It was not easy, and I can't honestly say that it is over, but I did see that I was giving more of myself to the OM jerk by focusing attention on him. Once I brought that under control, my W slowly started to respond, which in turn has encouraged me.<P>So we came back with a little momentum that seems to be holding and gaining.<P>I read with some concern your developments. Telling the children, your w's reaction to your parents knowing. Boy, frustrating is an understatement, huh? The layers of complexity never seems to stop building up. But I suspect that your observations are right on the money about the future of the A now that the pressure is on. <P>Your W has a reduction of free time and an increase of responsiblity by having the kids...those two things alone will take its toll on the A (OM is single with no kids? Won't last!). You mentioned a plan B. Why not tighten the circle a little bit more when you can (with a smile on your face of course) to keep the pressure on the A? Subvert it. Foul the love nest. Let them see a bit of the real people behind the masks. You have got to wonder what that would do to their bliss...especially during the holiday season. You have everything on your side. After all, this was her idea. <P>You have come a long way Rick. I pray that your W sees her folly and returns to you. I think you may see something break in your favor soon. I hope so.<P>Bob<P><BR>

Bob,<P>It is great to hear that you enjoyed your trip, AND brought home some momentum for your marriage. A success!<P>Thanks for your valuable insight into my situation. There are never any lack of events taking place in these crazy situations, as you well know.

Dynamo (I just love that name)<P>I'm glad your trip was a "success" and fun for you and your family.<P>As I've already mentioned to you, when you have angry thoughts, remember the phrase "Wet's get Weady to WUMMMMMBLE." Use it as your new mantra - whenever you see the OM or get angry, repeat the phrase ten times to yourself - being sure to hold the "ummmmble" at least 5 seconds. It really is quite cleasning.<P>Rick, I know you have a lot of frustrations, too. So, when your wife says something that upsets you or seems "fog-related," just think about Elmer Fudd saying the above phrase. It makes me laugh every time. And sometimes we need to laugh in order to keep ourselves from crying. And, besides, if you have a smile on your face - everyone will at least wonder what you're up to! <p>[This message has been edited by SKM (edited November 29, 2000).]