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Joined: Oct 2000
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Schizzo,<BR>I am relatively new here, but I understood you succeeded in reconciliation with your H. How long did the relationship lasted? I am curious because I recognize myself , my behaviour like a wife in BonnieSept letter, so I am afraid that I lost my H forever, he has an affair for 13 months now and he has moved the OW in his house 2 months ago,(I posted twice on this Forum)and me and my YD live in a new apartment 4 months. I still love him, trying plan B but I haven't had seen neither couple who reconciliated after such a long time. How did you do that, what was your part, role in reconciliation? Because my H sais everything you all here mention (he loves her in spite of well known fact she is immoral through her life -32, and we were first to each other-42, he doesn't love me any more, they are borne for each other,he would be rather dead then with me again....). How long to wait? What to do? What not to do? Is there any hope-did you find anyone here who succeeded after more than a year? After living with OW (of course with no obligations- YD is with me , and the one of 18 needs not much care) not just seeing her.<BR>I am just surviving, I can't live like that so long- every day waiting for something what is hopeless. Each day I only hear the news they are more and more happy and satisfied with the way of living (just opposite then we did)<BR>Thanks for help evrybody here. I desperately need someone to talk with who realy understands the story and the feelings.

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<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by betrayed and desperate:<BR><B> Each day I only hear the news they are more and more happy and satisfied with the way of living.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I think what tears people apart and brings others together is reality. If the reality is that he doesn't want to be with you and is happy with her, I don't see much chance of his coming back to you. Usually in an infidelity situation, the OP is someone who makes the WS feel good with attention they weren't getting from us. It makes their heart glow and feel things that really aren't there. It glamourizes the situation because they only get to see the best of each other when they are sneaking visits here and there. Reality of cleaning up after each other, seeing how they are around our kids, dealing with work situations, and having to compromise because other things are important too help us to see things in a more realistic way. I don't think it usually takes a year to get to the point of reality, so it could be that things are just as you say- he wants her.<P>I don't say this to be mean. I wish it were different.

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BandD,<P>I feel for you. I answered you on another thread, not sure you read it. Here it is:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>quote:<BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<BR>has a lover of 32 for a year (she has never been married, is well known for having more lovers, abortions and caused some marriage brakes; and WE were first to each other, ). <BR>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------<P>You also said you are smart and "too educated". Sounds like our situation. I have character and intelligence, she had only her looks and told him sweet things... He woke up one day and KNEW they had no future together. I pray your h does also. If not, she will probably also cheat on him...<P>Do you have family who love you? I have noone, only my son 5 and D 3. They gave me a reason to keep living.<P>It is hard when you have no support. You are not less than this bimbo, you are much more...<P>Start to imagine life without him, that you can move on. You have your YD, whom you love, and who knows what the future holds? Yes, it is very scary, but try.<P>You will grow stronger, and know you can make it without him. This will give you confidence and he will see the change, but YOU DON'T DO IT FOR HIM, YOU DO IT FOR YOU!<P>I really think I know how you feel. He was my world, and he wanted out! I couldn't imagine life without him.<P>We are doing very well. He had two affairs over two years, but never separated. There are some here who had longer affairs. The important thing is to take care of YOU.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>If he has been living with her two months, it is in living together that reality MAY set in. There are no guarantees.<P>I think the best thing is to let go and move on with your life and pray if you believe in God. Especially for yourself. Pray for strength and wisdom.<P>I agree with what BonnieSept wrote. You have an awesome opportunity to become a STRONG person. When you need him less, he may come back. If he doesn't, you will feel it less.<P>


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