Hi all...<P>Just found out my H took OW to my SIL for Thanksgiving. OW #2 just told me. SO Nice ... How could my SIL??? You'd think they'd wait until we were at least D.<BR> <BR>Has anyone else experienced this ... where in-laws allowed the WS to bring the OP to the Holidays? Or am I just SPECIAL? <major sarcasm> <P>Can't say this doesn't hurt ... <P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited November 30, 2000).]

((((((((((((((((((((JO))))))))))))))))))))<P>I'm so sorry, Jo. I know how you feel so well. Since OW lives in the states and she can't come here very often, and so far she hasn't been around for holidays(well, she was here for American Thanksgiving but in canada we have thanksgiving in October), so he didn't bring her to my in laws for special occasion, BUT they met each other, and when I found out I was so mad at my SIL, then she said that it was none of her business either my H brings OW to in-laws place or not.. so I said that IF that was none of her business then she could invite both me and my H, then if H decides to bring OW there that was HIS choice, and I would've accepted it.. but then she goes, "well, we do what is not umcofortable for us".<P>I was totally UNHAPPY about her response.<P>I know I know, even if they are going to do that THEY SHOULD'VE WAITED TILL YOU TWO ARE LEGALLY DIVORCED.<P>According to my SIL it's just a paper and doesn't mean anything. It does to me.<P>I'm sorry for this, if I were you I feel my SIL betrayed me and hurt so bad. How we can deal with this kind of behavior? Since we can't have any control over anybody but ourselves..<BR>Are you close to her? Recently I decided to cut off relationship with my in-laws little by little, so I don't have to hear anything what H does or my in laws do to support him.<P>Hugs,<P>Meg<BR><p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited November 29, 2000).]

Yes Meg ... I'm very close with all three SILs. They were my only family. They have now betrayed me too. Now what??? <P>I don't know what is reasonable to hope for anymore, you know?<P>Thanks for responding, Hon. I'm sorry about your SIL ... really does cut like a knife, doesn't it?<P>Lv,<BR>Jo

Hi again,<BR>when this happened to me one of my friends said it wasn't good idea to hang out with them, because they will accept what H does no matter what(although SIL I'm talking about here is H's brother's wife), and it's so true! Even if they are not happy about what he does they are not gonna stop contacting him because of it. They are family. Also my friend said make a new family(I'm not very close to my own family, I haven't seen/talked to them for 7 yrs.) around me who WILL support me, or never invite OW , and I started to think I should.<P>Meg

Hi, Jo:<P>As for your WS taking OW to your SIL's for Thanksgiving...are you sure OW was invited? Or did he just show up with her.<P>For some reach when my WS first got involved with OW he took her to all my inlaws homes to introduce her. This was within a week or two of D-day. He was so sure that this woman was so special that she would just blow everyone away.....but, you know what, she didn't...everyone was appalled that (1) he would be proud of her and their relationship; (2) that she would not be embarrased to be in their homes; and (3)that he thought that they would just accept her because he thought she was wonderful. It did not take him long to find out where their loyalty lay...and he has never brought her around any family (his or mine) since.<P>So I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing to have OW exposed to family...and SILs probably just wanted to meet her and form their own opinions. This should not treaten your relationship with your SILs...OW is no threat to you...you are far above her...and your SILs I'm sure realize that. And he will see that reflected in their eyes...I know my WS did. All will not be hearts and roses I promise you.<P>Roll on with the flow...it doesn't hurt as bad.<P>Angels and Prayers ~ Faye<BR>

I'm sorry to hear that, Jo.<P>I have been fortunate that my SIL's love me and we see each other far more than my husband sees them. And they have made it clear to him that slug is not welcome.<P>Hugs to you...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Hey Jo,<P> Believe me,I know JUST how you feel. <P> I don't post much anymore,but this one hit a sore spot with me.<BR> <BR>I've known my young BIL(oops,XBIL..)since he was 10.I took that kid everywhere with me.Took him camping,taught him to work on cars,build things,gave him a place to live after HS,gave him a car,was his best man at his wedding,etc.<BR> <BR>After ex had her A,and moved out,I found out she was bringing him around to his house about a month later.Yeah,I was furious with him.I'm not sure if she showcased her BF to rest of the family at that time.<P>But I told her brother if his W had cheated on him,and wanted to bring her new BF to my place,I wouldn't let the SOB into my house out of respect for him.He replied that she was his sister,and was welcome with anyone in his home.<P> But,I had to realize that my ex was trashing me to her family.I don't know what all was said,but caught her in a few big lies.So,I guess I was the bad guy in their eyes.I tried talking on the phone to my IL's,but got an icy response.After a while I just gave up.<P>So,it's the same with you.You don't know what's being said behind your back.They HAVE to make you look bad,though,to justify what THEY'RE doing,right? But it still doesn't justify showing off their new"friend"to the family when they're still married to you.<P> I busted my butt doing things for that family for 25 years.Oh well,they lost their handyman. <P> All you can do is drop contact with your IL's as long as they're going to be disrespectful to you.Like I said"To Heck with them!".You can do better........<P> Take care,Jo.<P> ~~Murph

Thanks MF, Buffy, Terri and Murph,<P>I'll tell you ... this caught me by surprise but shouldn't have. What people say as opposed to what people do seem to never match anymore, sad.<P>It's just that the SIL that had the OW over to her home was the same SIL who adamantly encouraged me to file an anti-harassment order on OW, she's the one who told me how, where and when to file the anti-harrasment order. This SIL called OW all kinds of names and said some pretty awful things about her .... then she truns around and has her over on Thanksgiving only 2 mos later.<P>Up until Thanksgiving none of the three SIL had met OW. And all three of my SIL have backed me up without solicitation regarding the A and the abusive OW. They all listened to the tapes of her spewing forth.<P>What to think now???? Guess when the going gets tough the in-laws bail, eh? Just another disappointment.<P>Love,<BR>Jo