my H had a 3 month A with a co-worker and I found out about it a year later (he ended it). Obviously, I'm incredibly hurt (understatement). It's been about 6 months since d-day and my H has been doing and saying all the right things, without me having to ask. He drafted up a no contact email and wanted me to read/edit before he sent it, he's told me of any attempts OW has made to contact him, and sends me copies of her emails. <P>I've never heard him say I love you so much in my life, and without prompting. He never cries, but when he sees my pain, he does. He says the guilt over what he's done kills him, and he wants nothing else but to make it up to me by making sure I have the best life possible. <P>He asked me if I would feel better if he found another job, and I said I didn't want him to do anything he didn't want to do. He left the company 2 months after I found out and started working for one with a better position and more money. During the two months before he left he avoided her at all costs, and actually never bumped into her after I found out.<P>He constantly reassures me that I'm the one he wants, that he never had any feelings for the OW, and he never even considered leaving me for her. <P>So my question is in the subject line; is this too good to be true or am I one of the fortunate ones whose H realized long before I found out that what he did was wrong and now wants to try to do anything possible to make it up to me?

hurts2much,<P>Welcome to MB. It sounds like he is doing all the right things so you've been spared all the waffling that many go through.<P>But don't minimize your pain. You still have many issues to deal with and may find it helpful to post in the Recovery section.<P>

Time will tell. It sounds like you are one of the lucky ones (like I am), but that doesn't mean you have not suffered severe emotional trauma that will take a long time to recover from, even if your H is doing all the right things.<P>My situation is much the same, although my H met a stranger at a bar in another town, so she had no real connection to our life. It was 6 weeks after his 40th birthday and at a quirky time in his career/life.<P>He alledgedly had about 10 kissy face dates with her and was ending it as I discovered it. <P>He maintained he was not emotionally connected with her and had found he didn't even like or respect her. He said he never considered leaving me. <P>He has been completely remorseful and horrified by his own behavior. On the other hand however, he was loath to talk about it and is not really a emotional demonstrative man, so although I believe he was sorry, he didn't go overboard displaying his sorrow.<P>Anyway, he met her two years ago this week. I discovered it 1/8/99.<P>I still have bad days, and was really in a funk these last few weeks, but all in all we are doing very well.<P>Hope this helps!

hurts2much -<P>I am a former WS - so I kind of have a different perspective. I know you are very hurt and upset by your H's infidelity, but I really think he is doing everything that he can to restore your trust in him. He broke off the affair, he doesn't contact her, offered to change jobs. . .to me it sounds like he is trying to do everything he can to rebuild your marriage.<P>I think you are one of the luckier ones on this site, but it doesn't mean that everything is smooth sailing from this point forward. You, understandably, are in a lot of pain, you've been hurt, your trust has been broken. For your H, he's probably going through a lot of feelings of remorse, guilt, etc. . .<P>He wants to do anything necessary to "make it up to you," and really the only thing he can do is to work WITH you to build a stronger marriage. If possible, you all should get some of the books recommended on this site - i.e, Surviving and Affair and His Needs, Her Needs. As a WS, I totally confided in my H about the A (he never knew anything was wrong until I told him), I am sincerely remorseful, etc. . .But you really want to find out why the affair happened in the first place - so that you can build a stronger marriage and prevent this from happening in the future.<P>I was very much like your H in that I knew that it would have never worked out between me and the OM. I truly realized how lucky I was to have my H, what a special person he is - he is the person I was meant to be with, to grow old with. I love him so much and have so many regrets about the affair. For me, I know that I will never do this again. . .But it still takes some hard work to make your marriage strong, healthy and happy.<P>So, yea, I think you're "lucky" in that your H realized what he had in you and his marriage - he doesn't want to lose that. He may have made a huge mistake, but thank God he came to his senses. Take your H up on his offer to do "anything" and get counseling or read the books I mentioned. My H and I never received formal counseling, but the books have helped us to focus on making our marriage stronger.<P>Don't get discouraged by some of the posts on this site. Some WSs, like your H and me, can realize the horribleness of what we did -before it was too late - before we lost our spouses. I would believe your H and believe in the sincerity of his actions. He really love you, he knows that, and he doesn't want to lose you.<P>

In a nutshell, you should consider yourself fortunate. I don't believe it sounds like an illusion. It sounds like he realized his mistake and has alot of guilt over it. I hope that you have the best life possible, like he has said he wants for you. I envy the position that you are in, because I'm in the thick of the affair/separation.<P>Take care.<BR>