Is this a Lbing? I want to ask my WS questions not so much about our R as to what we are going to do. <P>A little background. WS A has been going on over 18 mths, 14 mths since D-day. 6 mths ago he took a job in Asia, supposedly to get away from OW (job he has always wanted), then changed that he be way from OW after he was he left, went back & forth a few times. I finally decided not to come, he flipped, begged me to bring the boys, promised anything. We came, OW calls constantly for the 1st 3 wks. Then I really don't see much evidence but know it still going on, Know he is sending her money (her child support is not enough), know that he met her in London (my fav city), finally let him know that I know this. But if I didn't know any of this, I would think he had broken with her, after she left London, he sends me an e-mail telling me how tired he is a traveling & how ready he is to come home. When he returned I found the proof that he had met her in London, did nothing for wks, & never would have if he hadn't gone in deep funk after fight with oldest son who is 16. I thought we might leave when term was up in DEC, he wouldn't talk, didn't want to fight, this when I let him know that I knew about London. He seemed surprised that I knew. He left on business, & there was very little contact between us, I didn't do my daily e-mail's about what was going on, but when I did e-mail he call, I sent one e-mail asking what his plans were, no reply but he called. He was home wk & left on business again for a few days. He hasn't been warm to me, but we did watch more TV together than usual. He has done nothing to make my life here easier, sometimes it seems as if he tries to make it as difficult as possible to see how I react, I haven't complained about anything. I can't say I do Plan A very well because I am still overweight one of his main EN, but do better with the house. <P>Sorry for so much detail but my question I want to know if he is planning on us returning after home leave in the summer, or is bring OW over then, or is he quitting & finding another job back in the states. Sometimes I think I should just enjoy, let see what happens, do better Plan A, keep my eyes open or should I push & say it is my life I have a right to know what you are planning, then there are the times when I think about taking the boys back to the states when the term ends in 2 wks telling WS you have not done what you said, all bets are off. <P>I know that I can not take my kids & leave in DEC, I have even thought about me leaving when the term starts but I can't leave my boys. <P>I am just so tired of it all. <p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited December 10, 2000).]

sing,<P>I personally don't think it is an LB to want to know these kinds of things since they affect your future, where you'll live, etc. Just my 2 cents.<P>

Sing,<P>Why can't you take the kids with you if you leave in December? You're married, so I don't see why you couldn't leave with them?<P>I know that this is a marriage building site, but you have been dealing with this for an incredibly LONG time. I don't know how you do it. It sounds like your husband is a cake man. He has you and your children at home, travels a lot and can have OW with him whenever he does, and apparently get to have OC too. He's got it all. Why in the heck should he stop?<P>I would have to go to Plan B (in the U.S.) and like you said, all bets are off. I would be worried about what your sons are learning from all this, specifically that a man can get away with pretty much anything in a marriage.<P>

PamO<P>The OC is not my WS, it is OW & her x, my Ws just feels that he owes her<P>Only my oldest son (16) knows about the A, he doesn't know that it is still going on, but knows we are not closer. If I leave he will know why, & he his dad will be finished or close to it.<P>THe reason I don't want to take the boys & leave, we only been here 4 mths, haven't seen much of Asia, my youngest has the perfect teacher for him, & the oldest is actually being challenged in school. His GPA will be awful but he may finally learn how to study & apply himself.<P>Thanks for the input. I know that I will most likely do nothing for now, but it helped getting it out.<p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited December 10, 2000).]