Dear Pamo<P>I think all of what you said makes sense. The hard part for me is that before H started to feel some of the consequences, he was feeling really bad for me, waffling and saying nice things. But after I told H that I wanted the kids the first non-holiday weekend after he moved out, he got really mad at me supposedly because I had reverted to my old controlling ways and it had pushed a button with him. My guess is that he was more upset about not seeing the kids (consequences) and was really anxious to transfer the blame to someone.<P>The reality, however, is that I am sitting here blaming myself big time for changing him from caring how I was doing and trying to be nice to being cold, unfeeling and angry. His seeming concern for me was making it a little easier to deal with his moving out recently. Now I don't even have that. Rotten way to start a Monday!!!

Exhausted,<P>You're forgetting one extremely important thing. YOU cannot change your H in any way shape or form. HE changed how he was treating you 100% on his own. <P>You're right, he moved out, now he has to deal with the consequence of not getting his kids whenever he wants them. It's much easier at this point for him to blame you for that than it is for him to acknowledge that this is a natural reaction to his choices.<P>Don't give him the power to ruin your day.