My H's OW has been consistently discouraging his relationship with his children. About a year ago, he sent me an email (probably that she had either written or edited, since the writing style was definitely not his) in which he stated that the children were disrupting the atmosphere in her house, and he would do whatever was necessary to prevent that. He has refused to allow more than two children at a time to visit since then. <P>Two of the children were there on Easter eve, when he called from his car phone about 9 pm to say that he was bringing them home so they wouldn't be exposed to the OW's son's illness. Apparently it was ok to eat dinner with him, but they were going to somehow get sick overnight while in a different room. He had promised to take all four of them a few days after Thanksgiving, to celebrate the holiday and so I could go somewhere. The day before, he called and said he couldn't because he was sick. The saddest thing was that one of our kids immediately assumed that he was lying about being sick. Although he was actually sick then, one does have to wonder why he has not mentioned anything about rescheduling the Thanksgiving dinner. He asked to take all 4 of them on Christmas eve - we will see what happens then. My feeling is that he says he wants to see them, but when she finds out she nixes the idea.<P>I have no personal experience with people interfering with the relationship of their relationship partner with any of their family, much less their children. I liked some of my H's relatives better than others, but I never prevented him from visiting them or vice versa. He didn't interfere with my relationships with my family either. I know he had a relative who refused to enter her MIL's house - we both thought that very odd, not to mention rude and awkward. <P>Could someone please explain why someone would do that, assuming they wanted to maintain a good relationship with their relationship partner? I know OW's commonly try to erase the MM's history, including his relationship with his children - but doesn't it ever occur to them that that could cause more than a little resentment? That it could backfire?

I'm just guessing here, and don't have this kind of experience (yet), but I think it is just the OP exerting control over the WS, not thinking of the consequences. Reading about separation, and the fog clearing, sometimes it is precisely this kind of OP behavior that helps the WS realize that this new life isn't so glorious after all. The WS needs to see the person for what they really are. I'm sure you'll get comments from those more experienced at this. My thoughts are with you.

::<P>Nellie, I have a theory... when the affair begins and moves into full swing, the WS is in an extremely selfish mode. Anything that will further things with the OP, including turning his back on family, is perfectly acceptable. The OP, generally a VERY selfish individual to begin with, pushes for more and more... By the time the WS realizes just how deeply enmeshed he is and how much he has screwed up his relationships with others, it is often too late to mend them, and sometimes he is in so deep he literally doesn't think he can get out. The OP, on the other hand, knowing that the WS is horribly consumed at first with her, and then later by guilt, has no need to let up - no need to "keep him happy."<P>Nellie, his children are a connection - and a MAJOR connection - to you. She who stopped at nothing to take your husband from you will not even blink at taking him from his children. Anyone who is that selfish cannot possibly care about if he is happy or not.<P>It sucks.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Rick,<P>I sometimes wonder if this isn't only about control on her part, or just revenge against her ex-husband. <P>Terri,<P>She must realize that my H is not the kind of man that is open about his feelings. Doesn't she realize that if he becomes unhappy enough, one day she will come home and he won't be there? Or is she planning to kick him out as soon as the divorce is final?<P>Of course, at the moment he is completely dependent on her for keeping a roof over his head, since he hasn't found a job yet. <BR>My H said only a few weeks after he left that he was afraid he had messed up his life so badly that it could never be fixed.