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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70 |
My wife had an Affair with a man from work and is emotionally tied to it. She went three weeks without talking to him and seemed to be doing better but he recently approached her and sent her back again. I recently was told who he is and am contemplating calling him to tell him to back off. I told her she needs to do this but I'm afraid she is too emotionally tied. Should I let her hash it out or step in? I just don't know how much longer I can go along this roller coaster ride before I'm going to call it quits. Don't want to overstep my bounds but also want to give my marriage a fair chance... Any ideas?
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 469
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Joined: Mar 2000
Posts: 469 |
crick:<P>If you confront him it could be an LB to your wife. What good would this do for you? It may make you feel good for awhile, but I think you would regret it in the end.<P>Until the WS is ready to give the OP, you can't control her actions only yourself. The withdrawal is a very hard thing, and if she is working with OM that can make it harder. Is it possible for her to change jobs? <P>Remember to take care of yourself.<P>Good luck,<P>Judy
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060
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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 10,060 |
crick - don't do it. The prevailing opinion on this forum is exactly what bighope says - it'll become a big LB to your wife. It'll put her in the role of defending him which will further distance you from her. Only the two of them can change anything.<P>You can go a long time on this rollercoaster once you learn what you can from this site. Don't do anything else if you haven't read Surviving An Affair and fully understand Plan A. I don't know how far along you are with this information, so ask questions and read, read, read. You can do it the right way or give up. It's early, don't give up yet.<P>WAT
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70 |
They actually work in the same building but not together... There is a second person who she turned to at work for a one nighter also that she has to deal with... She went to lunch with him the other day and I explained to her that this bothered me. She basically told me not to mention it again that it didn't mean anything... Well maybe not to her but to ME it mattered. It has happend on 3 seperate occasions and all 3 times they were men who she opened up her problems to and they were her comfort... Just don't think she'd leave her work for this... Perhaps there in lies my answer... Thanks for the post...
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70
Member
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Member
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 70 |
Well I took your advise and didn't make the call. Instead I sent her a page hoping her day was going well and letting her know I love her... I've read Plan A/B and plan to take that route. I'm hoping she'll respond and let go of this tie... The roller coaster is going on it's fifth month ride and we're hanging on day by day. Hopefully soon there will be some light at the end of the tunnel. Thanks to all for your posts.. I read them and take them all to heart.
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