I am currently separated from my spouse following the revelation of 5 affairs after 13 years of marriage. She initially confessed her most recent affair with a friend of mine and we were 2 months into recovery when I discovered that she had 4 additional affairs over the past 13 years. We have been married for 18 years and have 3 beautiful sons(yes they're all mine). We were Christian people who were big workers in the church. I was the music director and she the pianist and youth leader at a small rural church. What I discovered was unbelievable and like a nightmare. The previous 2 affairs before the most recent was with our 2 most recent pastors. How hyprocrital! She is in the process of taking an MMPI and to be evaluated by a psychologist to perhaps determine the cause of such irrational activity. She was raised Mormon until age 14, then turned Southern Baptist. She has always had high morals and standards and was a virgin at marriage. The type of behavior that she is displayed has been not conducive to her personality and has shocked the entire family. How could I have been living with this angel for 18 years and had no idea that this type of activity was happening. Each affair lasted a few months with her ending each one and 2 to 3 years apart.<P>I fully trusted her. We are currently separated and on anti-depressant medication as she claims to be madly in love with me and can't live without me. I still love her very much but cannot continue to tolerate such behavior and must gain some assurance that it will not happen again. Each affair was like an addiction. How I can be sure that she will not become addicted again on the first man who gives her attention. <P>I have radically changed and now realize how important her emotional needs are. Marriage-builders.com has been magnificent but I wander if we should be separated at this point. It was the separation that shocked her into realizing what she had done and how much she missed me.<P>Please HELP!

Paul,<BR>You've come to the right place. These are GOOD people on this board and will be there for you when you need them. I'm in the same place as you right now emotionally. It is SO hard. These folks have much to offer if you let them. Good luck.<P>BradTheDad

Paul,<P>I am sorry for the hurt and pain that you must feel over this. It is encouraging that she says she is madly in love with you and needs you. Many of us are certainly not at that stage. Separation can do wonders.<P>Does she want to be back together now? What about seeing a therapist together? It sounds like you know which needs might not have been met and have a way forward. Is this correct?<P>Some things I think would help are some books like His Needs/Her Needs, Surviving An Affair (SAA) - these are both from this site. Also, Relationship Rescue is good, as are the Light His Fire and Light Her Fire books.<P>You need to work through recovery together, with some help, even if it is only with SAA. But it sounds like she is on the right path, getting some help. I'm sure you'll get more advice from people that have more experience than I do at this phase. I'm early in separation, hoping my wife snaps out of her fog.<P>Hang in there, and it sounds like the two of you have alot of work to do, but the rewards can be wonderful. I wish you the best.