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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 332
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 332 |
My H has given his house up with the OW she has moved to her own place and everything is out of his name. She took him for everything he bought, but he has not paid for. He told me oh well she is out of my hair. He said that I took everything too. I said NO The things that I have are what we bought for and paid for together. She has what YOU bought. Oh well My question is how can I help him forgive himself for what he has done. He doesnt understand how I can forgive him. Tonight he has some sexual things in a bag that he did not want me to see, but i told him ya what you have done over the last 10 months hurts but Im a big girl I can handle it. Lying and not being truthful with each other got us into trouble. It will hurt but not has hurtful as the lies. Well my prayers are with each and everyone and any advice would be great, maybe I just have to let him work threw it on his own<P>Thanks
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244
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Joined: Aug 2000
Posts: 1,244 |
tigger,<P>I'm not experienced at this aspect, but I'd just say buy SAA (maybe you already have it) and go through that with him. There are other books about forgiveness that Jim has recommended before. Maybe those would help show him that you can get over this. Like you say, probably there is just going to be some time needed for him to work through it, with you by his side.<P>By the way, you mentioned to Survivin that you took a similar approach (somewhat hard line). Did you do this when he was out and living with OW? Can you describe what you did? I'm commencing a similar sort of approach.
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,579
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,579 |
tigger,<P>Not sure what you're asking. Is he home with you now and wanting to reconcile or out by himself?
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 332
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Joined: Apr 2000
Posts: 332 |
To Rick37 when he was living with OW I went a month w/o speaking to him. When he came and got S he picked him up from my mother. If he wanted something I would wait until I knew his cell phone whould be off then i would leave him a message. NO CONTACT then after a month he would call and we would talk he would tell me how much he missed our talks and so on things where getting better then OW had a major problem or so she thought this women is mental so back he went I did my NO Contact that lasted about 2 weeks now he says he is done This women is mental H had to call cops on her the last time H has a scare on his face from her. I have already said if he goes back I will be in comtempt of court because my S is only 15 months old and does not need to be around that. <P>Schizzo, He is in limbo He is here sometimes we have a great time when he is here and he also stays at his parents. He wants to reconcile but the guilt gets in the way.<P>Thanks
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,579
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Joined: Nov 1999
Posts: 1,579 |
tigger,<P>My h didn't want to try at first because he thought it was hopeless. Reading SAA really gave us both hope that it can be done. You may also try showing him this site.<P>The purpose of guilt is not to wallow in it, that is really self-pity. It is to help us stop doing the wrong thing and turn around. You may want to show him this thread and discuss whether it might help him to start moving forward (baby steps).
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Joined: Apr 1999
Posts: 5,798
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Tigger,<BR>Is he willing to go to a counselor? <P>Some people can't work through the guilt themselves because they don't have the knowledge or compassion for themselves.<P>In our last separation my H's guilt was a large factor, and he finally went to the counselor on his own accord.<P>Geez, I wish your H would throw away the bag of sex toys he used with her. Ick. Holding onto that won't help him. You guys can buy new later, if you want.<P>There really is a way through all of this, but it takes time, patience and a whole lot of love. MB helps tremedously. <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).
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