My best friend has been friends with a man for 3 years. Recently they have been getting closer and now she is sure she wants to leave her husband for this man. She has children, he does not.<P>Unfortunately, I am in a delicate position - and I know many of you will slam me here, go ahead, I deserve it! - I am in a relationship that is the result of an affair. We each left our spouses to be together, and that road has been hard and long, and paved with guilt. This has been many many years ago, but now my friend thinks that because I did it, and succeeded, that she will too.<P>I tell her it is the most regretful thing I ever did and that I would not ever wish that pain on another human being - She will not listen. She is on the move and determined that she and her not-yet-lover-but-too-too-close will leave their families and live happily ever after.<P>If you could hear her, you would know that this is a textbook case - all of a sudden both of them are finding things wrong in their marriages, but they are actually CAUSING them - this is justification that this is right, because only they listen to each other, only they share the dreams; the horoscopes say that this is a match made in heaven; on and on, all of the things that make affairs happen is at play here.<P>I can't say that there is anything anyone could have done to stop me when I was riding that train, but that is so long ago. I have fresh eyes now. I would not ever do that again. I wish I pray I had done things differently. <P>But - How can I make her see this????<P>HELP ME STOP HER!!!

pete's mom - set her down in front of your computer and make her read the stories on this forum. Get her a copy of SAA. But if your story didn't convince her, she may be in the fog already. Maybe all you can do is to be there for her and her family on d-day.<P>Good luck.<P>WAT

pete's mom:<P>Sadly you can't control what your friend does, only she can. She is in a fog and only sees the best in this other person.<P>You can draw on your experience, but she will only hear what she wants to hear. No flames because of your past. It has been a rough road as you state and learning is important. <P>My husband had the affair and there is pain from both sides. MB site is for support no more what side of infidelity you deal with. <P>Best of luck to you and your friend.<P>Judy

Well, does your friend have access to a computer? Then send her here!<P>Let her lurk around for awhile...read some of the stories about the terrible pain that affairs cause. Send her to the "just found out" board to read how the discovery of an affair destroys everything a man believes in. I don't know if it will help, since it looks like she's deliberately walking into the "fog," but its a start. <P>Let her know that you are one of the extremely rare cases. Are you friends with her husband? Maybe you can get him on the case too. I don't know how you can do that without causing some kind of confrontation, but it will be better if he knows now. If someone had told me that my W was thinking about having an affair, you can darn well be sure I would have been Mr. Perfect Loving Husband 24/7!!!<P>Keep working on her. As I'm sure you know, horoscopes only tell you what you want to hear, not what will actually happen. If she actually believes in that stuff, maybe you can find someone who will predict that she stays with her husband forever!

...and if she doesn't want to check this site out, try this. Ask her:<P>"Do you hate your husband? Do you want to stick a knife in his heart and twist it slowly? Do you want him to spend months and months of sleepless nights, unable to eat, crying himself to sleep most of the time, or maybe drinking himself into oblivion over the pain you caused? Do you want him to be in so much pain that it affects his work, causing him to lose his job? Do you want him to feel horrible, gut-wrenching pain everytime he looks at your wedding pictures?<P>Well keep it up, sister, and that's just what you'll get. Do you hate him so much that you want to wreck his life? If you can live with yourself after that, then go right ahead...run off with this guy. Wreck your marriage, destroy your husband, and mess up your kids' life while you're at it. Is that what you really want???"<P>Just another angle you might try...

Thanks, everyone, for your words of encouragement. <P>I have already given her my copy of Give & Take, and I printed out some of the columns on how not to have an affair, from this webpage.<P>Now, we pray. Hard. <P>Thank you again.