Hi all...<P>If you can, please read the following e-mail exchange and let me know if you think I handled it in a non-LB way or not. Big test for me here...<P>--DeWayne--<BR>From: W<BR>To: Heartpain<BR>Hey,<BR>OM is going to the Harley store at lunch to look for a present for our boss.<BR>(Boss brought in Christmas presents today). IF you don't have a problem<BR>with it I'd like to go along, if you do it's no big deal, if it involves any<BR>discomfort I'd rather not do it. Let me know what you think.<BR>===============================================================<BR>From: HP<BR>To: W<BR>Ditto(on the Hey),<BR> I have two responses one, short, the other, a little longer...<P> Response #1 - It's no problem...go for it...have fun...I told you I trust you and I meant it...<P> Response #2 - I'll be honest, it's not a real problem, but it does involve a *little* discomfort. The best analogy I can think of(you know I love analogies) is that it's like your foot going to sleep. A bit of discomfort, but nothing to worry about. It says a whole lot that you asked me the question in the first place. I do appreciate your concern for me. You won't pay ANYTHING for this no matter what. We just have to accept that I might have some discomfort with these things for a while. It will go away permanently given a little more time and more openness on how things are now between you and what happened in the past. Hopefully these will work themselves out over time. Bottom line is that if you want to do this, then I want you to....After all, in the scheme of the universe, it is quite a *small* thing.<P>Love you,<BR>Heartpain<BR>================================================================<BR>From: HP<BR>To: W<BR>BTW, thanks again for asking...I will be disappointed if you don't go on my<BR>account...<BR>================================================================<BR>From: W<BR>To: Heartpain<BR>Thanks for the answer and explanation. I'm debating whether or not to go.<BR>================================================================<P>There, that's it...BTW, she never let me know for sure if she went or not, just didn't show up at the house for lunch as usual, so the assumption is that she did...<P>

I don't see that as an LB. My only question would be (not knowing the situation) regarding contact with OM. Did she have an affair with OM and they work together?<P>If so, I suppose it is not the ideal situation, but again, I don't know the situation.

Hi Dewayne!<P>How the heck are you???? Long time, no chat.<P>To answer your question, IMO, you did not LB. Matter of fact, I believe you handled the situation very well.<P>I am a little confused why she would want to go, but I think that allowing her to make her own choice was exactly what you needed to do. You expressed that you had some discomfort ( and if discomfort is all you had- GOOD FOR YOU!) and left it up to her.<P>I think you did great! <P>Take care of yourself! Hope you have a great holiday. (Hey, maybe we can talk Lori into a :MB family Christmas get-to-gether!:<P>God Bless,<BR>Cheryl

DeWayne,<P>I don't see this as <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> on your part. She asked you answered honestly. Had you not answered honestly then came back as having a problem with it then it would be concidered <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>.<P>Have you talked about implimenting the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>The Policy of Joint Agreement(POJA)</A>? <P>Has she seen the Harley ideas?<P>I wish you well friend and will be praying for you.<P>Bill

<B>update -</B>She told me last night that she didn't go. I asked if my e-mail had put her off the idea and she said no, it was something else and she wasn't sure what it was. Wish we were at the point where I could believe that whole-heartedly. She certainly didn't seem out of sorts at all, even toward me, so maybe it was true.<P><B>Rick -</B> Here is the story in a nutshell: OM is co-worker, 1-2yr friendship/EA, turned physical one time in 4/99. Deep friendship. Rebuild dependent on me accepting friendship. OM joined her workteam 12/99 and is still there. No, not the ideal situation, but there it is...<P><B>ceecee - </B> HIYA!!! You are right, it has been a long time...She wanted to go because her boss bought a Harley last year and she has been racking her brain as to what to get him for Xmas. OM was going to the Harley store and she thought it might give her some gift ideas.<P>Good idea for the get-together, but I can't this year...maybe a spring/Easter get-together...then we could talk Sheba into going. I could always host it here in Denver!!<P><B>Bill - </B>Those are excellent suggestions, but, unfortunately that dog won't hunt. She is aware of this board but won't come here. I have read 8-10 books on this subject, she has read one(she did read both of Dr. Phil's books). Things have to proceed her way for some reason. We are a long way from being able to use POJA.<P>Love you all,<P>--DeWayne--