BryanP has hit on something that was in my mind all day today. I'll start with the situation as I know it from working through the lies... My W started an intimate but non Physical relationship with a man at work many months ago. The relationship became very heated even though it wasn't physical. She found out this person was seeing many other women and it hurt her. So while away on business she slept with 2 OM. One of these two also works where she does. A third OM who she had been confiding all her problems with our marriage and this other man told her he'd leave is W if she would be with him. She said she refused. Now the questions... My W insists the only person I need fear is the one who has her emotions tied up. The other two mean nothing and are no threat. From what I've ready the most Definitely are a threat. She confided our problems with both of them and even slept with one. Now the questions... 1. Are these other two really a threat or do you think these may have been only a sporadic move due to her emotional stress? 2. Do you think there is any chance in hell for our marriage to work if she remains at this job? The man she didn't sleep with has move on but the other two still work there. The one with the emotional hold on her still sends her seductive notes and comes by to talk.. Each time he does she goes right back into the fog.. I've explained to her that she needs to break off contact with both of them and let them know she's not interested and is putting her marriage back together. I don't think there's a snowballs chance she will leave her job. She's had so many bad ones and now she's finally found one she likes... I'm afraid even though she says she wants to make it work there's no way it can happen.... Be honest and let me know. I'm feeling like my best bet may be with counseling.... Crick

Dear Crick,<P>I'm no expert, but from what I've read and what you've described, I think she would have to leave the job for it to work. Jobs are not as unique as marriages and could you ever be comfortable with her working there after this even if she was willing to put fences etc. in place?<P>I think counseling is a great idea if she'll do it. It might help her gain perspective on her actions that doesn't have to come from you.

Exhausted,<P> I think you're probably right(As I fear) but for some reason need people to tell me it. I had started Plan A knowing this is probably the first MUST. I sent her a quote today on her pager and asked her for a lunch date this week. She wants to go Thursday and said she is looking forward to it... I'm afraid it's so close and yet so far. Any others with thoughts?

One other thing that confuses me that this brings up... From what I've read and understand Plan A requires the spouse to seperate completely from the OM. Obviously at this point there's not enough love units built to even ask this of them. I don't see how she'll ever accept leaving her job if the love bank is low... Soooo how can plan A even work? I had started to try to meet some of her EN's hoping she'd build the love band and THEN perhaps she'd feel enough to make this sacrifice for the marriage. Doesn't seem logical that she'd make any sacrifices when she's already been drained enough to find another... Babbling again tonight... Crick

This is difficult because I agree with Exhausted, in that she will have to leave her job. At least that is what the MB principles would seem to say. I know that is not what you want to hear, because it sounds like that isn't going to happen. However, perhaps with some Plan Aing, and a bit of time, you can get enough love units in there to make her want to work according to the MB principles, in which case she'd have to agree to find another job.<P>I hope the date goes well.