I feel I am treading in dangerous waters here. H has e-mailed me twice since receiving my Plan B letter. The first was so furious and angry that the steam came off the computer. Wont go in to the details because I am sure you know the sort of stuff. Strangest aspect is that it reads as though I am the one who "walked out" of our relationship. <P>Then another - next day - very calm; quite friendly. He wants to have a "moratorium" - where we live apart until the end of January and reflect on "what has happened with us" and "think about our options". So maybe that is a positive sign that he is actually going to try and reflect, BUT - and this makes me suspicious - (1) he is going into hospital for some (hopefully) minor surgery on Monday (exploratory they call it) - and would like me to take him to the hospital and pick him up and he would like to stay at the apartment I am moving into overnight - on the basis that it is closer to the hospital etc- and I know he has bad reactions to anaesthetics etc; (maybe OW cannot cope with the sight of him throwing up !!) - AND he wants me to attend some events with him in early January - note; they are quite public events and H is one of the key organisers - would be hard to explain to lots of "important people" where I am. <P>So - what do I do ?? Jim - is there a "modified" Plan B ? I cannot bring myself to refuse his request re hospital; would even quite enjoy the January events (maybe because I think it would be major LB to OW !!) - so I am inclined to go along with these two "proposals" but otherwise keep my distance; Do you think I can do this but otherwise maintain a silence from my end. <P>Sort of think the hospitalisation confuses things - oh boy, I am really confused and would like any advice and comments anyone can offer.<P>Many thanks<P>R

Yes...<P>Illness... sickness... hospitalization...<BR><B>Changes things</B>!<P>You can't show you are heartless...<BR>...because I know you are not!!!<P>Definitely go with him to the hospital.<P>It's not a modified Plan B...<BR>...it's common sense!!!<BR>Plan B isn't about hating your H...<BR>Plan B isn't about hurting your H...<BR>It is still a plan of <B>love</B>...<BR>...although one that gracefully lets it end...<BR>...if that was meant to be (decision of WS)!<P>Plan B is still about LOVE!<P>BUT...<P>About all the other things...<BR>..."he wants me to attend some events with him in early January"...<P>...No way!...<BR>...not even to give him any <I>therapy</I>!<P>...unless during the time he is <I>ill</I>...<BR>...he comes to his senses...<BR>...and the fog clears...<BR>...and is willing to abide by your Plan B conditions!!!<P>---------------------------------------------<P>You know your not a meanie...<BR>I know it!<BR>...and no doubt about it... your H knows (or has to know) it too!<P> <P>Jim

I have to disagree with Jim here.<P>I think the best way to take the bloom off the affair is to force your husband and the other woman to see what life will really be like. Perhaps the surgery is for the surgeon to determine just how difficult it will be to remove his head from his a**. ;-)))))<P>Sure, plan B is hard. Your husband wants you to help him through the hard times but still have the OW for the good times.<P>Bama

{Bama}...<P>I'm not in disagreement with you...<BR>...<B>if the "exploratory" surgery turns up nothing...<BR>Absolutely, in that case... a full fledged [b]NO CONTACT</B>... is more than in order...<P>...but I've heard/seen too many situations where the "exploratory" surgery... has lead to so much more. Is reverting (temporarily) to a Plan A... a big no no?...<BR>NOT if it is made clear (when there is no real medical problem)... that Plan B will be the followup. If there is still a drop of love left... it's an easy transition.<P>...that also implies... he (H) can no longer cry wolf.<P>Now if the "exploratory" surgery shows up a real problem...<BR>...who can be the hero?<BR>...who can stick it out?<BR>...who can be the one to really grow?<P>Without knowing the degree of severity of this illness... (if it real is an illness)<BR>It is a hard call...<P>{R}... it is your call...<BR>I'm praying for you and your H.<P> <P>Jim

Thanks guys !! You are right. I will see him through the surgery. H actually has a severe ulcer (why are we not surprised ??) which has not responded to treatment in 15 months. The Dr want to "have a look" to see if there is "anything else" causing the problem. Well, maybe the doctor wouldnt have to look too far would he ?? Any way my feeling is that I will support him through this and forget the january occasions for now. After all, Christmas comes in between and there is not a word about that in his e-mails - if he is intending to spend Christmas with OW why would I turn up to be "paraded" in January. So that he looks good in the eyes of the public ? No way. <P>Thanks for your guidance. I sure need the wisdom and counsel of this board !! After a good nights sleep (even if pill induced) the world seems a bit clearer today.<P>R

Sounds like you are going to do the right thing. Help him through the surgery but leave the January occasions well alone. <BR>He needs to face the reality of what he has done. If OW is so wonderful why doesn't he take her?<P>Hope