Hello everyone,<P>This is my first post. I mostly read and gain wisdom from others experiences. I guess I just need to get my story out in the open somewhere. It is long.<P>Here is my story. <BR>I am 21(BS), H same (WS). We have been married 3 years, have a D who is 4 years old and S 1 yr. I am one of those awful statistics and got pregnant while in high school but married the father when 18. Things needless to say have always been hard. <P>First of all, my H (then boyfriend) has cheated on my before while I was pregnant with D. But I forgave him although I it hurt but I wanted a family for my child. So I have since moved on. <P>Last year, July '99, H took a job with lots of travel but great pay/benefits. We relocated to a city 4 hrs away from both our families and church we love. Both of us thought it was a great opportunity.<P>When I moved in Feb. 00, I found out the day before he has been buying pics of porn off the internet. I was sad and confronted H, and H downplayed it big time. "no bid deal" and "didn't think you would mind". So again I stayed to work it out and he promised to not do it again.<P>He went on a business trip to Hawaii for a few weeks June '00. He met someone there ( on our wedding anniversary by the way) and continued contact with her via email account which I was unaware of. In August he went to see her but told me it was another business trip. And spent the week with her in a drinking/smoking/sexual festival. <P>While he was there I found out from H boss, he was not on business but on vacation from when I called to get contact number. Which is hard to do while he is away. So I packed up and moved back to our home town while he was still with OW. I did tell him I knew about the A when he called home and told him I would not be there when he got back.<P>Anyhow he quit his job. Moved back here and wanted to be friends with me still. At that point I could not and would not see him untill he cut contact with OW and recommitted to our marriage. He did the next day. Easy to do since she is from another country.<P>Now he is trying hard, and I feel that maybe I don't love, respect or care for him anymore. I have read His Needs/Her Needs and can't figure our what I did to drive him away. I stayed at home with kids when he worked and H admitted he was mostly dissatisfied with work and struggling with sexual addiction, which after the first confrontation I left alone for him to work through.<P>I just don't know what else to do. I feel used and lied to and all the usual stuff. I have no sexual desire for him. It actually makes me sick to smell him. He still won't be affectionate, which has alway been an issue even before A. <P>He works long hours with new job and it is hard to get a minute in. He refuses to talk about A, but has answered most of my questions when I ask them. I guess I am just at the point that I don't think our M can be fixed if his actions have messed it up so early on. <P>Thanks for you advice.<BR>Sil<BR><p>[This message has been edited by SillyMe (edited December 06, 2000).]
