My H was having A earlier this year for a few months. d-day march 18th he continued with just friends until OW broke it off. H says it was just a mistake and just move on. <P> I finally concinced him to quit keeping the seceret he was obviously hiding or I was never going to get better. He agreed to answer 10 questions and I was to never bring it up again. HE finally admitted to kissing OW more than the 2 times he had been telling me all along. They were actually making out quite a bit but they did not go all the way, because she said no. Do you think H is lying<BR>I was shocked and I do not want to be gullible. Do I believe this story he is telling. HELP God bless <P>------------------<BR>Deb

Hi,<BR>I don't know what to tell you. i have a hard time believing my husband's story even though he has stuck to it for five months now and even went so far as to almost swear on his holy book (i stopped him because I told him I try to take HIS word). Your husband sounds like mine in that he thinks there is a natural limit to how much we should be allowed to wonder and to ask. He says he doean't want to talk about it anymore because he has already told me evrything he knows/ remembers and now I am just "eating his head." I think only 10 questions is not enough for you to get the information needed to feel secure and secondly I think kissing is just as bad as doing it especially on your husbands part since she is the one who stopped them from going all the way.<BR>Good luck though trying to get him to explain and good luck trying to believe him because no matter how much they explain doubt can eat away at you.<BR>

I had to respond to this thread. Hope I can help.<P>My H had an A over three years ago, almost four. I did not find out about it until a year had passed. Still non specifics as to the dates, and Im not willing to call on the ho to ask. She happened to be one of my best friends and he was unhappy, and withdrawn. Sticky mess that I wont go into to. <P>Needless to say, I felt so betrayed. I didnt even hear it from my H. He finally was so guilt ridden that he told a friend who told his wife, who didnt feel comfortable telling, so she told one of my other best friends. Yeah...humility was my life. Anyway, we were in a huge transition in our life and lots of things going on. I couldnt just spend all my time addressing this. <P>What I do know, we talked about it. I asked my questions, and he abliged. I could tell once in a while that he would get fed up or frusterated with me, himself, who knows. <BR>But, I really believe that I needed to know EVERYTHING so that I could go on and that I was being lied and kep in the dark anymore. He seldom offered information. It was like I had to beat it out of him.<P>Now, after almost two years of convincing ourselves that we were beyond that and had healed from that. NOT! I still have a very LOW trust level, and second guess all his intentions. It takes so much out of me to say the word "Trust". <P>But, this is normal. And the biggest thing that I learned.....<BR>He NEEDED to SHOW ME he was sorry. He NEEDED to EARN back my trust. He NEEDED to open up and tell me everything.<P>How else are you going to survive an affair?<BR>I felt like crap when he would get so impatient with me asking and asking about whatever I needed/wanted to know. <BR>Im still very bitter, to her, to him. But, with our counseling, I think he is starting to realize his responsibility in this. I think women are to quick to blame themselves for failures in the marriage. It is not your fault. He needs to own up to his mistakes. <P>How can you built back trust when honesty is missing??<P>Good luck and lots of prayers to you..<BR>ILAC