Hi all,<BR>Mostly I just hang out but I have an interesting story.<P>I'm a man who has just recently gotten out of an affair. I've been working so hard to rebuild with my wife! We have made just a little progress, but now I've met someone who is really coming on to me. She's very easy to be with and I truly enjoy talking to her. <P>I suppose my question is...<BR>Since it seems so easy to be involved with someone new after my affair breakup, does this mean I don't have much of a marriage left? When do you know it's time to give up?<P>Please, no flame. I know I'm scum of the earth for what I have done, but it seems like this is something I need so badly (not sex - emotional involvement) that I can't live without it. I'm reaching for anyone who seems to offer it...<P>Any advice is welcome. I don't know how to fix things anymore...<P>Sigma

Sigma:<P>You are still vulerable for your needs being meet, you should sit down and talk with your wife. Be honest to her above all. <P>This new person you talk to, makes you feel good and is meeting some needs. Best plan for that is to run from that situtation, because it can lead to an affair. Tell your friend that you consider her a co-worker and nothing more. Never and I mean never discuss your feelings with her, that is to personal, that should be discussed with your wife. <P>Your wife deserves that true chance on rebuilding. It is always easier to restart then to rebuild. It sounds to me you really want to rebuild, but this person will block your effort.<P>You say you are rebuilding with your wife, then continue and get help, please. This is very hard to rebuild and many have done that and so can you.<P>Best Luck,<BR>Judy

Dear Sigma:<P>Nobody knows you here so be bone deep honest:<P>Does your doubt about whether the marriage is too far gone serve as a justification for "playing with fire" by having hese conversations with another woman who attracts you?<P>And does that expression of doubt mean anything like "I really would like to be free, to have an easy and exciting relationship with this other woman rather than the hard work that I would have to invest in order to keep my marriage"?<P>Or does your question mean that you realize that the affair that you recently broke off was the clue you should have heeded, that the marriage was dead beyond CPR?<P>Please respond, your question intriques me and your answer will be interesting. Thanks.<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Sigma<BR> No harsh words, just some insight, I am the BS, my H is doing everything he can to rebuild our marriage, I am at my most vunerable state right now, I have men that want to move into my empty space, I tell my H. Not to alarm him, but to protect myself. I know I am at my weakest. Others know it too. We talk openly and honestly, no secrets. <BR>The easiest thing would be to turn to someone else. The easiest is not always the best. Finish one book before opening another. You know life is not perfect. Affairs are fantasy, Marriage is for real. Dirty clothes, sickness, bills, kids, no makeup, hair on end. On the good side, someone who always has your back, someone to talk to, to hold you when you need to be held, Someone who will be there even when they know the absolute worst about you. Few affairs will be that. Jenni

Sigma<P>I will try not to flame, but if my WS, who has yet to break it off, were to contemplate what you are I would kill him for squashing another perfectly good chance to rebuild.<P>Rebuild means to renew. Have you read any of the Harly books, Surviving An Affair? I wish you would before you go forward with this new interest.<P>It is intriguing to be wanted and sought after, it is addicting, to feel so empowered after spending so mush time unhappy or dissatisfied in your marriage. But you know what? You owe it to your wife to keep working at it. Apply the MB Principles out of the books, or from the web site. How can you focus on your marriage and making beneficial changes if you are still in the phillandering mode? You are not making changes. You are giving up again and going the easy way. In the long run, though, it is the hardest route, and the most painful. Do not give up any progress you have made, talk to your counselor(or get one!) This is a critical time. <P>Please think this over VERY carefully!!!<P>B