<P>And things have been going SO well with my H and I! I really don't know what to believe here. I want to be able to trust my H, and we've been doing so well lately, but something's weird here.<P>H got home from class around 10:00 pm last night, and he said that he class ended around 9:15. No big deal, we live 30 minutes away from the college. When I got home, there was a message from Smurfette which said, "Hey, this is Smurfette. I was just calling to see how Carolina Belle was feeling, either one of you can give me a call back before 6 pm. Talk to you guys later!". Anyway, H walks in a very affectionate mood (not sexual, just affectionate. Who is this person, and what has he done with my H?!) We started talking, and I casually asked how Smurfette was doing. He told me that he smoked a cigarette with her after class, and then gave her a ride around to her car and talked with her. (Ooooh boy was I holding back here!)<P>He then said, "She said something really strange." I asked what, thinking, "here it comes." <P>He says, "She asked me how long we've been married, and I told her almost two years, but that we've been together almost four. She got an odd look on her face and said 'Well, if you two ever get divorced, send her my way.' She said that she finds you attractive." I asked if she was a lesbian, and he said that she supposedly has a boyfriend in St. Louis, so he's not sure if she's bi or what.<P> <P>Now y'all, I'm thinking one of two things here. <P>#1) (from the part of me that still trusts my H as far as I can throw him) He's lying. He has this bisexual woman fetish - he told his mother that I was a lesbian (to cover his butt because he was dating another woman while he was dating me), he said that the first OW was bisexual, and up until our son's birth two years ago, was always nagging for a threesome (I don't THINK so!) What if he's scheming trying to do something like that again? Besides, she's only seen me twice - the first time, yes, I did look great, but I don't think she even knew who I was, she just saw me outside of the classroom. The second time was when I was having my panic attack - my hair was pulled back into a clip, I was pale, I only had lip gloss on, and I was a mess! Come on!<P>#2) He's lying about it, and is saying that so that I won't worry about the two of them getting something on. But that doesn't make any sense.<P>#3) He's telling the truth. I could see her being bi (I have decent "Bi"-dar from living in Seattle so many years.) She doesn't wear much makeup, and it wouldn't surprise me to find out that she is bi. Whatever floats your boat, but it ain't my cup of tea.<P>He then said that she wants "us all" to go out sometime. I said, "who is all of us", and he said, "you, me, her, some of her friends, some of our friends." I was just like, "whatever." <P>This whole Smurfette thing keeps getting more and more bizarre. I don't see how he could have TIME to have an A - I know for a fact they only see each other during class, which yesterday was his last class, so I don't think he is, but something is odd...What should I make of this, if anything?

CB, I have no idea what the truth is, but try not to analyze it.<P>One thing though...I don't think it would be a good idea to go out with this woman (3-some, group, whatever).<P>I think that once school is over...then I think that she should be history.<P>You don't feel comfortable around her and her presence isn't helping your marriage. I think that it would be best to keep her at a distance.

Dear Mon belle,<P>Smurfette sounds too complicated and since you are so uncomfortable about her, it is wiser to stay clear and let the acquiantanceship die a natural death. No outings or get togethers, you need to focus on your marriage and not what Smurfette & Co. are really on about.<P><BR>I must say that you look really like a belle - so lovely, sweet and charming! wow, REALLY BEAUTIFUL.<P>I can't reply on the other thread because my computer is doing funny things again.<P>Love<BR>weep

I smell a rat! Just the bits and pieces that I read from your posts as gotten me to believe that your husband has a history of lying and cheating. I'm sorry but most don't change when they have a long history. Everyone thinks they are just the woman that can do it. I guess I feel that if he was really trying to work on his marriage he would never ever give you any reason to doubt him and he'd do nothing that would make you feel the least bit uncomfortable. Hanging out with a woman alone in a car even if it's just minutes is not something a man should do with a bad track record. I'm sorry if I'm being so blunt but I really see a lot of heart ache in your future.

I don't know what to make of that. I'd be suspicious but I am the suspicious type after all i did for no reason search my husband's briefcase. it could be a coincidence that he actually has encountered a real bi after using bi's as excuses or he could be scheming. <BR>By the way I find your postings entertaining - i mean not your problems and worries but your writing style.<BR>Also you mentioned a panic attack was that due to your marital problems or something you have normally anyway? because i've started having them and my husband thinks I'm weird and I sort of did too. it would help to know if that is a 'normal' reaction to an Affair.<BR>

I went home last night, and H said that Smurfette had called, wanting to talk to me. I called her back, and we talked for a while. She is a sweetheart, as much as I hate to admit it. She's quitting her job, and she's never formally resigned from a job before. She knows that I've worked in offices for 4 years, so she wanted me to help her write a letter of resignation to her employer. So I'm meeting her for lunch today and helping her with that. <P>Survivor - Now that I've actually "talked" with Smurfette, I'm not as anxious as I was before. I'll form more of an opinion I'm sure at lunch, but she is really nice (ouch, that hurt!)<P>I don't mind if my H has female friends, and he doesn't mind if I have guy friends (which, considering I work with 300 engineers, I do) - as long as they are friends of the couple, and not just of the spouse. Maggie isn't willing to be my friend, and so her calls are no longer welcome in our house - and we both agreed on that.<P>Weep - I'm going to play it by ear. Between my H's fishing, our trips, our son, and our jobs, we really don't have a life. Now that his class is over, I'm sure she'll be phased out.<P>BTW, thanks for the compliment! I felt HUGE in that dress - it was WAY too big! But it was either that or jeans, so I didn't have much of a choice!<P>Bonnie - Since I've been Plan Aing, the lies have stopped (I hope). His "justification" for previous lies was that he knew I would blow up about certain things, so he didn't tell me them. What the f-ever. His A happened before we were married (we did separate for a few weeks in August, and both of us immediately hooked up with other people). <P>The thing with my H is that he is a recovering alcoholic/cocaine addict. I also had a drug problem through high school. He quit the coke in the beginning of our relationship, but only stopped drinking about a year ago. He's relapsed a couple of times, but has done very well. The lies and the A's were both related to the alcohol abuse. If he isn't drinking, I can deal with him and not really worry. <P>Dying Inside - My panic attacks were actually job related. But any extremely high-stress situation can trigger them. <P>I used to be REALLY bad as far as snooping - I'd go through his wallet, his truck, I'd have my friend who works with him go through his locker at work - it was bad! He's given me access to everything now, and if I were to ask to see his wallet or something, he'll hand it over without a second thought. Before (during the A and drinking), he was secretive and defensive.<P>I still keep him at arm's length because I don't want to be hurt again. That is something that I have to work through on my own. He could have gone out partying Wed. night with Smurfette and the other girls in his class, but instead he came home. I always know where he is, and he's honest for the first time in a looooong time. Our relationship is better than it's ever been, truly.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Dying Inside:<B>Once bitten I am suspicious by nature so that doesn't mean that my husband is necessarily lying just because I am suspicious. I can understand why he didn't tell me about this. it is a very difficult thing to tell someone you love. for one thing you fear you might lose them and for another thing you KNOW you'll hurt them. I think 90% percent of all people in a similar situation would rationlise that it was for their spouse's own good that they don't tell them.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE></B><P>Thanks hon, for putting it into words. That is so true!<P>Anyway, met Smurfette briefly (good Lord this woman is SHORT!!! I'm only 5'8", and the girl barely comes up to my chest! I don't think she's even 5 feet! ), she was with a patient, so I just dropped the letter off, exchanged pleasantries, and was on my way. She does seem nice, she might be a little "kooky", but nice.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Carolina Belle (edited December 08, 2000).]

I'm glad you're feeling better about 'Smurfette.' it is always nice to get rid of that awful nagging suspicious feeling.