Boy oh boy ... I sure have been a high maintenance MBer as of late.<P>Well, the last week or so I've had my neighbors keep an eye out in the paper for notice of any sort regarding my H filing. <P>BINGO ... this a.m. my neighbor comes running up to my car gives me the paper showing me our names (H and myself). Oh joy!!!!!!!!<P>So, Mr. Spinless told me he hadn't done anything yet and to not worry or stress over it .... guess this is his MO and I shouldn't be surprised.<P>Now I need to see my attorney to find out how bloody long this has been in the paper and exactly when he filed and how long before "OUR" marriage is over. <P>I tell ya ... this is quite the ride ... can't remember when I've had a better time and every time I turn around I get another surprise ... I think I might buy a bottle of Jeigermeister on the way home this eve and have a party when I get home. <P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

I am so sorry you have to go through this! <BR>What a spineless piece of ****! Please take care of yourself. He does not deserve you at all and you will be OK!<BR>I'm praying for you!<BR>AR

Oh Jo,<P>I left you a message on your answ machine this morning...did ya get it?<P>What a crappy way to find out that the chicken sh*t filed. Wish I was there to share the Jaegermeister (sp?) with you hon. So what was with the birthday present...second thoughts? guilt?<P>Do you really need to get an atty at this point? What happens if you dont? What if you just ignore the whole damn thing. That's what I'm going to do when I get papers, just toss them, or burn them. No one can make me participate in this crap.<P>I think I was born 30 years too late, I want Donna Reed's life.<P>I know it's best right now to protect yourself and go see an atty. It just feels like such a controlled thing to do. How come they get their way every step of the way here? Who says they get to decide?<P>Remember, one crazy person at a time. Let him be nutso...you try to stay sane. Don't let this harm the way you feel about YOU. See yourself through the eyes of those here who love you...all of us you've helped time and time again. <P>Jo, I'm sorry. What a blow honey.<P>Call me.<P>allison

This is low. I'm sorry, Jo.

It really is low, Jo, but I'm afraid it was pretty predictible. Now I guess you know what he wants to talk about.

This is how my H filed from Dana - the ad has to run in the newspaper for 6 weeks. If there is no responsed from the "defendant", then the judge signs the divorce papers, and it's final in 60 days. So basically, if you don't respond, consider yourself divorced.<P>See an attorney - ASAP!!!

Well I sure feel like a piece of **** now.<P>Just called and talked to H. LB's all over the place ... lamb basted him BIG TIME. I just couldn't help myself.<P>He said he filed on my BDay ... he's such a monster. I asked why he couldn't wait until after the holidays ... he said no matter what's going on there's always holidays ... so now is as good as time as any. I said "Oh I see Lana, I mean Steve".<P>I really really LB'd guys ... I used OW's name again and again. I asked him if Lana was the woman he'd always dreamed of, if she was the love of his life and that's why all the horridness and uncaring ... he said no she wasn't ...<P>I brought up so many things he's said and wrote in the last months and clearly pointed out how much of it was either crap, justification, confusion or just blantant lies. He just listened. He was at work so couldn't particpate in the argument. <P>Said he'd call me back on another line so we could have it out ... said he's taken hours upon hours of listening to me like this and was prepared to defend himself. I said it's not necessary to call me back ... I was done. It's a done deal. I'm screwed now ... I just have had it ... up to my eyeballs with this ugliness and lies and infidelity.<P>I can't do this any F'ing more.<P>I feel like crap for LBing but damnit I have to defend myself ... I don't deserve this treatment. And he agreed that I don't deserve this treatment.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited December 08, 2000).]

I just wanted to say I'm sorry. What a rotten dirty, lowdown thing to do. Make sure you get to a lawyer ASAP. You can still contest this if you want to.

You know, Jo, there should really be FOUR sexes, not just two. We could consider ourselves to be part of the old, traditional sexes, you know: Men and Women.<P>I say we create two new sexes: Worthless Pieces of Sh*t (for men who don't act like real men anymore), and Lying A** B****es (for women who see wedding rings as a mere inconvenience)!<P>That way, I don't have to carry the shame of actually being in the same general category as that pile of walking guano you married! <P>You shouldn't beat yourself up over LBing him. If he filed on your BIRTHDAY , then there really isn't anymore Love to Bust, at least on his end. What he did is beyond a LoveBuster. It's just plain cruel.<P>He says he wants to defend himself? What he's done is indefensible. There can be no excuse. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and drop him like a token into a toll booth, 'cause that's about how much he's worth!

CJack - I love that idea! I've seen Miss Lana, and let me tell you - I ain't claiming that thing into my gender! Have you ever seen "Throw Momma From The Train"? Well, she looks like Momma with blond hair and fake boobs (ewwwww!). AND SHE CAN'T SING!!! I'm okay now.<P>I know I'm going against the whole MB principle thing, but Jo, you can do soooooo much better. Steve is a liar, a cheat, and a coward, and he sure as hell doesn't deserve you. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but it makes me angry. <P>If he wants to be Lana's b*tch for the rest of his life, it's his loss. Lick your wounds, and move on. You can walk away knowing that you did everything that you possibly could, hon. You're an eagle - albeit an injured one at the moment. But you will soar again soon! We're all here for you.

CB, that's just too darn funny! <P>I know I shouldn't judge people on their looks alone, but I checked out your photos on the MB Pictures thing, and I gotta tell ya, your H must have had a serious case of temporary insanity when he stepped out on you! What the heck was he thinking? He should count himself as a lucky, lucky man...even more so that you took him back!<P>And Jo, there are plenty of men out there who would pay money for the chance to even talk to you! <P>You know, between your Steve, Allison's Steve, and my W's Steve, I'd say we have a new name for that new gender!

So here's my email to H that I just sent. I know I shouldn't have done any of this (phone, email)... but how much like Ghandi do we have to be before we finally explode into a real human being??? (rhetorical)<P>How do you think he'll take this. Am I putting him on the defensive???<P>*********************************************<BR>Steve,<P>I have to apologize ... I am sorry. I purged on you because this hurts more than you could ever imagine. But so what, right? You could have waited till after the Holidays, but I see that Lana has convinced you that it's the RIGHT thing to do, just like Thanksgiving, why care or have a degree of respect for someone you've been with for 20 years. They no longer matter, you've moved on (whatever that means).<P>If I wouldn't have heard her several months of pages to you and her many abusive msgs to me, I would not believe this is all about revenge and sex. But I have listened and you cannot deny what she has said. So as far as her being my nemiphis (sp), I only know what abuse I've taken from her .... what more would it take a feeling human being to realize she is a hurtfully mean person. And can you please tell me why I deserved any of that?<P>I don't know that meeting and talking is a good idea. What do you want to talk about?<P>Steve, you said to me Divorce is not final ... do you mean like marriage.<P>Joanne<BR>

Ah Jo,<BR>I came home for lunch and what do I see? I am so sorry he is such a jerk to do that to you. You do not desearve this at all. <P>I will be home tonight if you want to talk or go out or anything. Please do not just sit and blame yourself OK? So you LB a little... tough. You are only human and I dont even know him and I would consider doing alot worse than LB to him.<P>Are you home today or at work? Hang in there, I love you and will be praying for you.<BR>Lora

I would say you're putting him on the defensive for sure. In his eyes, Miss Lana is probably the perfect angel, and how dare you besmirch her good name! <P>Two things: <P>Stop apologizing to him. He deserves your anger.<P>He must understand that, in this instance, divorce IS final. If he gives you up now, he will never, ever get you back. Done, end of story, finished. I've made that pretty clear to my STBX, and I think that may be the only knot left in the rope.

C-Jack - Ah, jeez! I bet you say that to all the girls! But thank you, I'm very flattered.<P>Resilient - Let me ask you this - I know in previous posts you've said a lot of this "thing" with Lana has to do with them having a child together...how's his relationship with his other son? Is he taking responsibility with him? <P>Hon, put your foot down. He's letting Lana pull the strings for him - everybody else can f'n see that except him. That's his problem, not yours. It sounds to me like he needs to have somebody make his decisions for him - why else would he leave you dangling like this (not 'fessing up to filing, saying "divorce isn't final," etc.) You are such a strong person, and you have put up with so much. Lord knows if he were my H, he'd be wearing his b*lls as a bowtie (sorry again, but I'm still angry!)<P>Make sure he understands the finality of what he's doing, Jo. I don't think he gets it.

Just some more things I wnat to get off my chest ...<P>I reminded him that he told me a month ago he was being "pressured" by Lana to file. He responded that "he" wants the D ... then I said and why is that ... he had no answer. He simply couldn't answer ..... WHY?<P>I reminded him that a month ago he asked me what I was doing for my emotional wellness, and so today I asked him the same question. I said "What are you doing for your emotional wellness.... besides leaning on a woman to make your decisions for you, by having someone manipulate you with sex into doing things that hurt people whom love you. <P>I told him that he has not spent any time alone .. like he has touted. I told him that just two short months ago he was telling me how much he loved me and missed me. Then I told him how he wrote me a letter stating his contact was just "friendly" and not emotionally driven. I said "telling me you love me and miss me while you're sobbing is not "friendly" conversation.<P>I asked him who he was going to turn to when Lana eventually disappoints him and turns her abusive nature on him. I said your sisters are ashamed of all of this and have bailed you out in the past (from Linda - old GF also abusive), then I took over and have had to bail you out of your womanizing messes since then.<P>I need to add more in a bit or I'm going to explode .... I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack.<P>Jo

Dear Resilient,<P>You do not deserve to be treated in this manner. They are cruel - blatantly cruel!<P>Please give yourself a break - you have tried so hard and given so much - this is about them and their selfishness, not about you.<P>I know about exploding, fits and heart attacks (my father had close to one and was hospitalised). Please take deep breaths and accept that the cruelty has taken its course and toll, and you should see a good lawyer to help you sort through this mess.<P>Please come here and vent as often as you like - it's good to see you around than not.<P><BR>Love and hugs<BR>weep

Wow!!<P>This really scares me. I thought that they had to serve papers to the S!!<P>I don't read the paper, how would I know?!?!<P>I would hate to wake up and find myself divorced.<P>BD

Are you quite, quite sure that you want to be married to this guy? I know you have been working hard at this for a long, long time...maybe it is time to reassess if he is really a prize worth more pain and grief? Time to quit trying to work on things and let yourself let go of him? I am quite sure there is a better man out there for you, who will love you as you deserve...<P>I am very sorry to see he has "done it again"...<P>Hugs--<P>Kathi<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited December 09, 2000).]

Jo,<P>That really sucks. I'm sorry this is happening to you, especially at this time of year.<P>BlueDays... divorce law can vary radically from state to state. Educate yourself regarding the divorce law in your state. Even if you still wish to reconcile with your spouse, it is a good idea to be informed of what CAN happen.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>