My husband wants, "demands" sex every day~~more like he can't seem to go longer than 12 hours in between. He doesn't beleive in masterbation. He says if I loved him the as much as he loves me I would want the same. I say 3~4x a week, and quality not quantity is what I need. There was basically no real problems with sex,(it doesn't feel like "making love" anymore), because he just can't respect my boundaries when I am not in the mood. He pouts, leaves, verbally abusive, etc. So I basically give in to not have to put up with this behavior, meanwhile I have lost interest in it altogether. We've only been married 14 months, and I am ready to throw in the towel. We are not children, both 40+.<BR>I wonder how I can get the feelings back, or if I oughta just get out and move on,I am not

I think you should get the book His Needs, Her Needs and go through it together. Then you will understand each others needs more clearly. Good luck.<BR>Sil

I second that. It's a really good book. It will help you understand where he is coming from, and, just as important, it will help HIM understand what your needs are too.

Dear linlin007,<P>Getting that book is a good idea; however, I can relate to you 100%. My H wanted sex, not every day, but approx. every other day (which was fine with me). But get this....he ONLY wanted it at night, when he came to bed. As he stays up until 1-2am, and I'm in bed by 10pm....it caused quite a strain between us. <P>In the early years of our marriage, I tried and tried to get him to compromise....I told him I'd do it everyday, if we could just be a little more flexible in the time. He wouldn't give. Looking back, I now see that I cut him off over the next few years (until it almost totally dwindled out prior to his affair). Reading "His Needs, Her Needs" I see NOW what happened. According to him, my "cutting him off" was one of his main reasons for leaving. I didn't even actually realized I WAS cutting him off, I was just frustrated and felt used by him.<P>However, from my point of view, I felt like he wasn't respecting my need for sleep! I know that sounds kinda stupid, but to me, it was important. I could understand now and then in the middle of the night....but every time we make love, THAT can be the ONLY time?? His reasoning was that it's the only time thruout the day that he's really relaxed....yeah, and I'm comatose!<P>I too lost interest totally in sex because of his attitude. To me the problem wasn't sex per se; to me it spoke to a bigger issues....our inability to come to a compromise on that issue...and of course, it wasn't the only issue like that. But to him is was the most important.<P>With my 20/20 hindsite, I wish I would have had "HN,HN" when I was first married. Naive as I was, I didn't KNOW that my H's most important emotional need was sex. Knowing that, may have helped in the way I dealt with the situation. And maybe in those early years, before it became a "problem" for us, he may have been more open to work on my needs too.<P>I don't know if this helps, but do get that book....it'll help....esp. in this early stage of your relationship.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Mrs.O (edited December 08, 2000).]