I don't know what it is, but I've just been incredibly down lately. My A ended six months ago, my W and I are talking a lot, spending a lot of time together, things are steadily improving, etc. <BR>So why do I still feel so crappy? Could be that this has just been a pretty stressful/awful year. I switched jobs early on, then we had our apartment painted, which was a stressor, then the A, then there was a fairly serious car wreck that my W and I were involved with this past Thanksgiving (no one injured, car wrecked). The stress has been constant, unrelenting all year. I literally started crying this afternoon while just sitting in front of the computer screen.<P>Also, I went to the company Holiday Party last night (no spouses were invited). I'm socially kind of awkward, always feel nervous at those kinds of things, so I drank more than I should have to compensate, even after my W had jokingly warned me before going to "only have two and don't finish the second." Didn't make a fool of myself (I don't think) but came home bombed, which hurt her feelings both because I was in no shape to chat and she felt I was ignoring her advice.<P>This morning, I woke up feeling oddly similar to the way I had felt the morning after the one-time physical encounter with the OW -- hung over/maybe still drunk, with this incredibly pit in my stomach. It hasn't gone away. <P>I just don't understand myself some times, and I've been having a hard time dealing with the guilt and pain that I've caused. It just seems overwhelming. I want to be a better person -- as an H, as an employee, as a son. But it seems lately that all I can see are my failures, the places I've fallen short.<P>Just feeling low today, and needed to vent. Thanks.<BR>

Dear Taxman:<P>Don't be too hard on yourself. Remember that you are only human. Knowing that you've done wrong and feeling bad about it are important steps. I don't remember if you're in counselling yet or not but, please, think about it. I know what you mean about this year. Its that Y2K bug thing, it just happened differently than most people expected. I thought next year would be better but I found out last night I was wrong. It will be different though, and I know I can be strong. I hope you find your strenth too, to deal with whatever demons you are facing. I'll think of you.<BR>Sherry

Taxman,<P>Look at all the good things that are happening in your life. A has been ended. You and W are talking and improving. Serious car accident, no injuries. You have escaped some serious things and are doing better than a lot of people. I am deeply hurt by my H's affair. If it didn't happen, I never would have found this board or Dr. Harley's books which have been instrumental in our recovery.<P>YOur situation can be overwhelming at times. Maybe you are going through that depression that Dr. Harley mentions in SAA. Guilt and pain are very hard to get over, especially when it involes hurting someone you really care about. Please try not to beat yourself up. <P>I'm glad you shared.<P>cleo

Hey Tax -<P>I'm sorry you were feeling down last week. What a horrible week for us WSs, huh? I find that my down times come in waves. I know all too well about crying for no reason while you're sitting in front of your computer. Last Thursday when I was in the midst of my little soap opera, I took about ten walks, didn't get much work done, and decided to take Friday off as a mental health day (though I don't really know how much it helped).<P>I went to a coupld of holiday parties this weekend (with my H). The one on Friday night, well, I was already "down" so what did I do? Drink to make myself feel better -or at least feel "social." The problem was, I really didn't eat too much on Thurs and Fri - so, basically, I was a mess after a few beers. Mistake.<P>The holidays have been particularly rough, too. I'm finding that I really don't feel like decorating, I don't really "want" anything for Christmas, and I have yet to send out a Christmas card, put up lights, or get a tree. I guess with all that has gone on this year, I'm just happy to be with my H, in our house, and I guess I'm just trying to focus on the real meaning of this time of year versus being overwhelmed by all of the "extras."<P>I know how it feels to focus only on your "failures." And I'm not really one to give advice on how to find self-esteem. . .but from Charles Swindoll's book "Three Steps Forward, Two Steps Back"<P>"The reason so many people are unhappy today and seeking help to cope with life is that they fail to understand what human existence is all about. Until we recognize that life is not just something to be enjoyed but rather is a task that each of us is assigned, we'll never fin meaning in our lives and we'll never be truly happy."<P>"Somedays we do well just to survive. . .to say nothing of excelling. Therefore, perservering becomes essential to living - the only key that unlocks the door of hope. Through perserverance character is built, strong and solid character that brings about hope."<P>"Why keep perservering? Why continue standing against the strong currents of temptation, fear, anger, loss, stress, impossibilities, misunderstanding and mistakes? Why fight defection" Why overcome inferiority? Why keep on waiting?"<P>"Because it is in the realistic arena that true character is forged, shaped, tempered, and polished. Because it is there that the life of Jesus Christ is given the maximum opportunity to be reproduced in us, replacing a thin, fragile internal theology with a tough, reliable set of convictions that enables us to handle life rather than escape from it."<P>"We need what perserverance offers: willingness to accept whatever comes, strength to face it head-on, determination to stand firm and insight to see the Lord's hand in it all."<P>Tax, you're a good man who made a mistake. You know I understand what you are going through, but please know that you are a kind, compassionate person who has tons to offer - not only your family, but us here. You may not know it, but you probably have a profound impact on the lives of your friends and family. You deserve to be happy, to enjoy life - not to just perservere. Right now, it's just one of those waves, but you just need to pull yourself out of those unproductive, self-doubting trains of thought.<P>I know it happens to me all the time. Just treat yourself well, don't beat yourself up. You're a good guy. Things may suck right now, but they won't suck forever. Try to stay focused on the positive. . .Your wife is still there for you, you have a job, you have a roof over your head. It's okay to feel stressed out and overwhelmed every once in a while, but don't stay there for too long. . .(I think you told me this not too long ago, right? ). Don't be discouraged. . .you are a good person.