Havn't posted here in a while. Part of the reason is I've met a really nice lady who has taken my mind off of my mess.<P>Met W at the drop off point to pick up daughter tonite. She came into the parking lot of Starbuck's as usual in her Mercedes all dolled up. I knew she was having a MLC, but holy Toledo, my formerly conservative maternal looking 42 yo wife was with OM! He had really greasy looking hair with one of those rat tail deals hanging down the back. Also like 2-1/2 days worth of beard.<P>Now I am for free will and freedom to look like you want (America, what a country!). But to see her with this guy who is seemingly my polar opposite, and definetly somebody she would have ridiculed 2 or 3 years ago, I had to laugh to myself while D slept in car on the hour ride home.<P>I have to say, I got a real chuckle out of this.<P>Does anyone else have a WS who is gaa gaa for somebody totally different (in appearance and style anyway) than yourself?<P>What a HOOT!!!!!<P>Jay B.

I would consider my H's the opposite of me. But then, I hear looks rarely count when someone is meeting their top needs. Obviously she did that real well in my case.<BR>She'll probably come out of the fog and be dumbfounded.<P>glad your back

Jay,<BR>My x's new h is so opposite of me I called him the anti-bob for a while.<P>Bob

Jay Bird - what a hoot indeed! I can't say that my wife's OM is a TOTAL opposite from me. After all he does have two arms and two legs and a head, supposedly containing a brain. Of course he probably thinks with the other head. <P>Any way, I know him very well as we were neighbors (before he left his family) and his wife was my wife's best friend. My wife and I frequently made fun of his immaturity and arrogance and failed efforts trying to be a handy man around his house. It seemed he was always trying to overcome some inferiority complex and teased me about being an analytical type that takes too much time to figure things out. I'll never forget the time he was up on a ladder on the side of his house poking a coat hanger into the dryer vent drying to get a bird nest out of the exhaust hose. My wife and I stood in the street watching and laughed our heads off. I ran to get the video camera, but was too late. I offered to help him disassemble the exhaust from the inside and do it the right way, but he refused, saying that it was "professionally installed" and didn't want to screw it up. <P>Now, I have the same feeling that you do about what attracted my wife to him? Obviously some need I wasn't fulfilling. Maybe comic relief or someone she could feel so much more intellectually superior to? Just a joke, he obviously offered something I wasn't, but the differences still get your attention.<P>WAT

I've got to weigh in on this one! My H's OW is quite different from me. She is short, cutesy, blond and not so smart and was my H's secretary for 13 years. I too used to work there so I got to see her in action. She was always in his office giggling at everything he said in an inane way. The hard part is that I have never admired anything about her personality so it does somehow hurt even more that H picks someone like that. <P>I've always thought that this business about picking someone really different is partly a way, maybe unconscious way, at getting back at us BSs for not meeting their needs. I think it may also be a bit of MLC to try something totally different.

It's too darn early for me to be laughing this hard. I have not heard the term "greaser" for...well, forever. Sounds like she really got herself a catch there. They must be impressing the hell outta everyone down at the sushi bar.<P>This is a thread that needs to go on. Humor is the only way to deal with this mess...humor and.<P>My H's OW...model beautiful, angular, cool...she is into saving birds from certain death...rescues them...whatta gal! She has left two husbands to raise their respective kids, had several affairs when married, and found her higher calling in life...helping her feathered freinds. Her home is a chicken coop...I've been there...there are literally birds running, and flying, all over the place. Well, H did hate our cats, maybe he is enjoying waking up to birds sitting on his butt.<P>I guess in the end, all I can say is, H is a boob man. The only breasts he'll be enjoying over there are on something with wings still attached.<P>allison<BR>

I want in on this one. My wife and I are the same height, and she would stand on a stair one below where I was, saying she wished I was that much taller than she was. Well, OM is that much shorter than she is, so it is kind of funny that she went the other way. More importantly, she used to say I was so analytical and logical, it drove her crazy (engineer). Guess what, OM another engineer...so in this case, it wasn't opposite, but ironic that she'd go for some of the same. And even more importantly, this guy is of a different culture, and one that she swore adamantly that our daughter must never date, because my wife dated someone from the same culture before me, and she said it is just too hard to mix. The guy was abusive towards her so that tainted her opinion too, but now OM is same culture. I don't like to refer to culture differences, because I think it is fascinating how we are all different, but my wife's 180 is strange. Also, she hates arrogance and people that are high on themselves, and someone that works with this guy says he thinks he is a studly gift to women. Oh well, meeting ENs is clearly the clincher.

The former OW in my situation is the total opposite of me. She is dependent on men, a bar-fly, looks & acts more like a man, rather than woman. When my H was running around with her, he was drinking heavily (alcoholic). But still...it is humiliating for me to know that he was with her. I have to keep reminding myself that he was intoxicated and out of his mind.

Catamount, nice to see you back here, and glad to hear you found a friend.<P>So far, it looks like only BSs posting here. I hope no one minds me jumping in - this post got me to thinking....<P>My H is tall and strong. (his nickname in college was "Beef") He has served his country in the military for nearly 15 years now. He is upstanding, moral, trustworthy, responsible, and very handsome. <P>The OM in my case were his complete opposite. Not very smart, nor did they contribute anything to society. Both were heavy drinkers and potheads. Stack one on the other's shoulders and they still didn't measure up to the man my H is on his worst day. <P>I want to make it clear that I am NOT looking back on these descriptions longingly or affectionately, but with my gut twisting in embarrassment, shame and disgust. I was even reluctant to say anything at all. But the reason I did was to contribute to the thread my observation about this common theme of the OP being an opposite of sorts. I may even come back and delete this stupid post becasue I don't want my H coming here as he does, reading this and having to deal with freshened feelings of hurt, anger and resentment. He's not too happy with me right now as it is. (not over new infidelity issues)<P>Anywho, maybe there is something to this opposites concept that could better help us understand why these affairs happen (other than out of pure selfishness and cruelty.) What it is, I don't know. Maybe Dr. Harley will do some research or have some thoughts on this.<P>Khyra <p>[This message has been edited by Khyra (edited December 10, 2000).]

My Wife's OM was pretty much the opposite of me in personality and character. He's almost effeminate (always irons Levi's). Always worried about being politically correct, a brown noser and one to ride someone else's coat tails when ever possible. Several EMAs. Lies for a living (read Sales).<P>I'm more of an entrepreneurial Fred Flintstone. Brown nosing is almost a sin to me. I've hardly ever based my successes on someone else's hard work. Being politically correct to me is normally an after thought. I have always been faithful and am as honest as the day is long (in the summer).<P>I can also understand why this happens. When those thoughts roll through my mind of what my life might be like as a divorcee, I know I find myself attracted to Women totally different from my Wife. She is (maybe used to be is better here) non-pretentious, articulate, wholesome (ya that's a used to be), down to earth. The women that catch my eye now would not be what I used to consider dating material…just trophy type party girls. So I can relate.. <P>All in all…I think it's just par for the course.<BR>

Once again. OW was very different in appearance from me from what I have been told by a friend (I've never seen her). She was described as extremely plain, no makeup, "too short" blond hair. I have long, dark hair, wear makeup and to my knowledge have never been described as plain. It was always important to H to be with someone who was college educated. I have a BFA in art, OW had no college, was an office temp. It was also very important to him to not have a "ready made family". OW had a child (with no apparent father).<P>As far as the things OW and H had in common. Well, pretty much nothing.<P>Here's afew other stories. I have a beautiful, smart, kind friend. Her boyfriend (who she was much too good for anyway) dumped her for what I swear was the ugliest woman I have ever seen. We are talking full fledged Medusa. Not only that, she was mean, dumb, totally classless and came from a family that all belonged on the Springer show.<P>A male friend of mine bent over backwards for his fiancee. He was VERY good looking, fun, smart, educated. A really great guy. One day fiancee announced "I've fallen in love with someone else. He is nothing like you. He has a drinking problem, is unemployed and isn't always very nice to me. But I can't help it, he is so exciting." Gag!!! So many of these wandering spouses become complete nut cases.