Feels that way after two years of this stuff!<P>Wednesday I came home to find ... MAGAZINES ... by my door.<P>That's all.<P>So, any predictions as to what might happen NEXT? I have one. I predict that sometime tomorrow afternoon he will call me from work to "make sure" I got the magazines and to ask me if I've had the chance to look at them. Of course, he could prove me wrong - he has done so before.<P>Last night was my company Christmas party. I was one of only two individuals who went alone. I sat with coworkers from the office I transferred out of last September, and I had a fabulous time. Only got misty eyed once or twice.<P>The DJ was cute (and around my age), but he apparently preferred platinum blonds with slinky clingy dresses and no underwear... and that's ok, because I'm not "looking" for real, just for fun.<P>And I haven't even truly begun to Christmas shop yet. Maybe tomorrow!<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

Jeez Terri, <P>What is with this magazine stuff. It's funny the ways they find to stay connected with us isn't it?<P>Yep, you know the drill, he will probably call you and ask about the mags,,,he always does. I guess at this point it's up to you to decide if you still want that connection. <BR>Two years huh? I don't know if I have it in me to go on that long. Have you two ever talked about divorce? My H informed me this week that he isn't even considering it...what a wacko. He is on affair #2, this one a co worker that I've known for 20 years, and just thinks it's a totally great thing that he is out there finding himself. Everyone I know is encouraging me to file, but I'm not going to do it. I don't want him to be able to tell one living soul that I divorced him.<P>Ok, get that Christmas shopping going, you'll feel better that you accomplished it. I hate too, especially this year with H gone, but procrastinating only makes it that much worse.<P>Hang in there Terri, your strenght is amazing.<P>allison

Christmas parties--bah humbug. See my posts about 2 such parties in the Recovery Forum.<P>I don't know about the magazines...other than he's keeping a connection with you, but I, on your behalf, want to jam some backbone into his spine. If he wants you in his life, he should want you be the wife you legally are. But, you can't control his actions...<P>Re: 2 years of this stuff...I checked my profile not long ago and found I've posted over 2000 times, and that number doesn't include 12/98-4/99, when MB had the big crash. And, most days I still don't feel ready to leave MB. Beginning to post on Recovery felt like a *major* step, worried about the jinx factor, I guess.<P>Just a little ramble.<P>Take care, Terri and keep those updates coming...hopefully one of these days your H will give us all something to cheer about.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."<BR>(Proverbs 15:1).