Well, this is D-day #3.<P>It was a mixed bag last night. We went out, had fun, talked about "things" pleasantly.<P>I told him how it bothers me that when I can't reach him, my first conclusion is that he is with OW. (nicely, and I think I didn't LB on that one)<P>H tells me that is unfounded, and I shouldn't worry about it. <P>Things got a little "friendly" last night, and I noticed hickey/bite/bruises on his shoulder that I KNOW I didn't give him...<P>After we "did the deed" I KNOW this is one of his ENs that I can meet, when he'll let me, I confronted him...nicely...he says that after about a month of not "seeing" (I couldn't ask if it was literal, or just not PA) it didn't seem to make a difference, so he decided to go back to a PA w/OW.<P>He says he's not addicted...he just doesn't want to not see her. (like when we used to smoke, I'm not addicted, I just don't wanna quit)<P>I think I managed not to LB, but it was hard...<P>He was gone by the time I woke up today...Can't get in touch w/him. <P>I am confused again...I think this is positive, but I just hurt so bad, I hope I am not making things up to feel better.<P>BD

No advice just wanted you to know someone was thinking/praying for you.<P>Wouldn't it be nice if we could send all the OP somewhere, but the problem is most our WS are some other BS OP. What confusion, what a mess, so is life.

By the way?? What do YOU mean when you say I want you to be completely honest with me??<P>I ask this because, during the earlier conversation I had with WS, He told me that my worring if he was with the OW was unfounded... then when I ask him about the marks on his neck... he asks me how honest I want him to be??<P><BR>GOOD LORD!!!!<P>What do you think??? <P>I just want to beat my head on the wall. Am I just being stupid here? I want to save this marriage if it is possible, but I don't want to be a door mat either.<P>BD<P>I appreciate how much support you all give...I know I have been whining a lot in the few days that I have been here, but the few people I can talk to just don't understand...And I would be taking it out on H either by punishing him, or pressuring him.<P>I never thought that this would be so hard.<P>bd

BDs, I just wanted to say that I think a spouses (our) reaction to honesty predicts how much will be forthcoming. Since I can remain calm and reassuring, H has opened up more. <BR>I am afraid there is more honesty coming; though it has been an EA all along, sometimes I fear that real honesty will cross over to reveal a PA. It hurts to write that. <BR>I told H I was so sorry that he went through the mental anguish when he was withdrawing from me (and going to lunches with OW) I try not to bring her into anything I say, but it is implied. This is easier for him as well.<BR> <BR>We have another appt with counselor Wed, and I had said I was ready to stop going, but last nights discussion brought a catch in H voice when he was talking about the guilt he felt, so I may need more counsel after we talk about that some more. <BR>BDs, with the evidence of continued PA have you thought about Plan B? It is a drastic step, but your H is very happy to have his cake and eat it too. Please be safe during this time, don't forget about STD's. <BR>Are you counseling? It really helps in the long run. My H now sees how he was and doesn't want to go there again. I see big changes in him, back to the man (boy)I loved and married many years ago. <BR>take care, L

Dear Blue days,<P>I had WS tested for all STDs against his wishes but he did. My world just shattered around me, it might as well all happen at once and I braced myself - negative.<P>Please try counselling - individual as well as joint. I think your WS is what this site will say 'undergoing withdrawal and talking through a fog'.<P>I am no expert at Plan A post-A because I planned A (didn't know the term before) throughout the marriage so I couldn't be my normal self anymore. Reading the posts here, I get the Plan A/B concepts. Plan A so that WS knows how you potentially are and should last not more than 6 months or before the love threatens to die forever. This is to let WS know what s/he stands to lose and if there is no repentance, move over to Plan B.<P>I think your H is at the moment a cakeman, and it is very disrespectful that he is continuing to do what he does. But some of them here have survived that. I hope they will post to you about their cases.<P>I am sorry that I cannot strongly recommend something that I am not capable of executing myself, but I can say that pray and God can help to put up hedges of protection around your H and the marriage so that any third party will not be able to get to your H and vice versa.<P>God bless you<BR>take care<BR>from weep<P>