My WS had our youngest son at a resort this weekend. I was invited but oldest son had a big party SAT & I wasn't comfortable with him being here alone. We don't really have any support system here, if he had any problems<P>WS couldn't understand why I would not come, so I finally LB & told him. Youngest son wanted me to come, he knew I had cried & H did too. So I told there were several reasons I could not go. 1st OS; <BR>2nd that I knew he had made his decision (pretty sure he plans D in 2001) & that I had to get use to him taking my children (that is why I was crying); <BR>3rd that as always instead of talking to me about plans he mentions it to boys 1st. <BR>4th if things were different I would have love to go; <BR>5th that I was trying to hang on till Christmas but wasn't sure if I could make it; <BR>6th I really wasn't invited ( he did respond to that, that I was sitting there when they talked about it).<P>Well H sent me an e-mail this morning, saying the trip was a last-ditch effort at trying, & that I rejected it because heard about it from YS first.<P>Wanted to know when we were leaving, did i have the boys enrolled in school yet, how this has been a mistake (moving to Sing), not good for anyone. Hopes that we can remain friendly for the boys.<P>I told him that holding on till Christmas was just about me wanting to know from him, what was going on. That our OS is planning on finsihing school here (he is in 10th). That we really need to talk, he did agree.<P>Later after rereading his message, I sent another email telling him that I would never make plans to leave with out telling him.<P>He had found a scrap that I had written that said he was a jerk, it is funny that was my 1st post on here back in Oct (I ran it through spellcheck, before I sent it). Think I will print it out & let him read it.<P>He is gone for the day, home tomorrow, & then gone till the 17th. <P>The other thing in the 1st message that i sent back, (I printed it out & gave it to him) I told him that I had gone to bed last with a firm commimnet to make the best of the next few months till June that I could. To try & be what he needed, to reach out to him again, then what happens, happens.<P>I think we are never going to get out of Limboland. <P>

After writing this Mon. morning (my time), nothing else has happened. He has made no mention of it or if he wants us to leave or what. Know he didn't sleep well for 2 nights but nothing. I have made remarks about plans for the next few months, mostly involving our sons, sports & stuff. This morning he was looking at a list of stuff that people are selling as they are leaving, made a remark that I was thinking about some of these he really didn't respond but there was no negative of why should you. <P>Think I have decided to hang in there till June ( school term will end then), try & do better plan A. The OW is still on the other side of the world, I am here, & if nothing else that has to eat at her. <P>Thanks for letting me vent. I hope to be out of the depth of my despair that I have been wallowing in for the last 2 mths. I started taking St. John's last wk & I am feeling more upbeat.<P>

Shoot! If she's on the other side of the world and you two are still living together, you have got a few bonuses some here don't have. Do a serious Plan A. If you feel that you will get upset, leave the room and go say a little prayer for yourself. Wait till you are calmer to come back.<P>Do they still communicate? If so, how often and do they see each other? I don't know that I have read this.<P>cleo

I am pretty sure he met her in London (my favorite city), that he is sending her money, & I would guess they still talk & e-mail. She doesn't have the number to this house cause she hasn't used it but she could call him at the office they work for the same company. The bus just pulled need to go unlock the gates. thanks

Sing, the fat lady ain't even humming honey. Don't fall into the trap of rushing things. My H kicked me out of my house(had me removed by police). Filed for divorce, sat emotionaless while I cried my heart out. Met a stranger online had a brief A. We are four months into recovery and yes it still hurts but we are together every day, working hard at it. Don't start the music for the Fat Lady make her find it herself. Hang on tight and plan A till the cows come home. Good Luck Jenni

have you set some ground rules for recovery? Like he shouldn't be sending her money, emails etc...?

Dear Sing,<P>Sometimes I do find it hard to give my suggestions because they can be radical. Fortunately I have Jesus to help me check the list by commiting everything to Him.<P>Your H really needs a change of heart and to make a very firm decision to commit to you. Being oceans apart can be a great opportunity for you to be YOUR BEST POTENTIAL. I trust that you have agreed to go with him so that you can work at the rebuilding. So you are in the right spirit when you decide to try all out for your marriage. I think you both need to go for counselling together to reach some level of understanding of what you want in the marriage. <P>You would need to request that he not contact OP since he wants to try at the marriage.<P>I would like to add that often it is when we come to the ends of ourselves and ask for God's will to be done in our lives and for God to send godly men and women to your H and you respectively, that God has a free hand to perform miracles. <P>Unlike my case, I have not moved much forward because there are still many issues to solve and WS has been adopting a stance that was far more damaging than not. Still, I ask many people to intercede for us because I know Who is in Charge. <P>Sometimes, I find that it is far easier for many of us to hand our lives over to our H than to God. I will pray for wisdom for myself in this area and what can I pray for you?<P>God bless and help you <BR>take care<BR>from weep<P>P.S. What about learning a foreign language since you are in a different country? What about dancing or aerobics?<P>