Hey guys! Haven't posted in a while, but I've been lurking. Need a little encouragement from some fellow WS's. Be gentle BS's, I beat myself up enough.<BR>Update- things are going pretty good in recovery. My husband and I are relating better and are starting to have fun together again. Its strange to be apart from him now - even if its just to go to the store. I don't like to be apart for one minute. I feel that "loving" feeling coming back into our marriage and that is great!<BR>Problem/question - since I work with the Om,its impossible not to see him because he walks by my office a dozen times a day. Its been 3 1/2 months since no contact (yeah!), but today as he walked by, and my desk faces the door so I see everyone that walks by - I felt that though the attraction for him was still there - YUCK! I don't want to feel that way! I want all the thoughts and memories/reminders gone out of my mind. They just torture me daily and sometimes I think they are making me go crazy! I wonder if I don't need to be in an looney bin sometimes! Anyway - I know without a shadow of a doubt that I do not want to return to the affair or that lifestyle - I deeply regret what I've done and I love my husband - so WHY the feelings? When do the reminders cease - I know I've asked before but I need a reminder. I feel so dirty when those thoughts and reminders come up - just like if I were in the affair all over again.<BR>I'm really working on my relationship with God as well as my marriage. I know I broke that covenant vow as well and I feel as though I am mending it, but each time the thoughts/memories come - I sink right back into self condemnation, fear and regret. What gives?

Maybe re-arange your office so you do not see everyone who walks by. Gives you always a new out look on life. Maybe you should think about looking for a new job...but if you can not do that then re-arrange. <P>If people ask tell them you got borred with the old set up. I do that from time to time. Just move everything around.<P>Just take it one day at a time. Hang in there. Glad things are getting better for you.

luv4ever - I'm here. The OM in my situation was not a co-worker, so I don't have to deal with him pooping by the door - which I am grateful for. For me, I think the thing that has really helped me get through all of this is Harley's principle of no contact. And, I've abided by that. My H and I are doing really well in recovery, but I have my down times too.<P>I know everyone says stuff about changing jobs, not knowing how hard that would be for you. And, if I were in that situation, I know it would really be hard to look for another job, but it's all about priorities, I guess. I'm in a position now where God is numero uno, then my H, then my family, friends and then my job. I mean I have to work to earn a living and right now I am supporting my H while he goes back to school, but if the OM worked with me - I would really have to consider changing jobs. The most important thing in my life is my relationship with God and my H - so crummy jobs can come and go, but my focus has to be on my H.<P>I think at this point, I have learned so much, that I would be willing to give up my job in order to save my marriage. If you can, you may want to seriously think about that option. For me, nothing is worth more than protecting my relationship with my H - and if the OM were around all the time - I think that would be really hard.<P>I do know of some WSs who work with the OP - and they're able to survive this thing - but sometimes it takes longer to get past those "fond" feelings of the OM. For me, I'm kind of in the same spot you are - and it's been 8 months of no contact - 8 months of recovery - and I'm still finding it hard to forgive myself for what I did. I think that too will come in time.<P>The thing is, you just have to remain focused on your H and your marriage. Understand that what you did was wrong, but in order for you to get past this, you really have to forgive yourself, too. I am forever asking when will it stop, and I wish I had an answer. . .For me, I doubt that I will ever forget what happened, but I hope this experience will make me a better person, a stronger person, a more Christian person - and through that I hope that I will become the kind of person I want to be and the kind of wife my H deserves. He doesn't deserve a wife that cries all the time and is so overcome by remorse that she can't drag herself out of bed some mornings. If you continue to let the bad thoughts eat at you - that is just as detrimental as having an affair. The worst is behind you - the affair is over - just take one day at a time, it does get easier.<P>Just think about the job situation - I think it's made things easier on me knowing that my chances of running into the OM are next to none. He has contacted me in the past week, and that has been so hard to deal with - not that I miss him, but that I feel horrible about what I have done. Anyway, just keep chugging away - you can get through this. . .If I can - anybody can .

Hey, Yes I have definatey wanted to change jobs, but the Lord hasn't allowed that. God has basically told me that he wants me to overcome this thing (which is really a problem with lust) right where I'm at, because if I don't, it will just occur at another job with another man. Makes sense to me, so I pray that the OM will find a new job. Thought about re-arranging my office, but because I have so much computer equipment in my office; that's kinda impossible. I just have to deal with it! Anybody find the keys to that time machine yet??<BR>