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Joined: Sep 2000
Posts: 7
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Joined: Sep 2000
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Hi,<P>I posted here on September 6th, "Just friends with her ?". Since, we had been through hell and back. Went to counselling, he committed himself not to have contact with the other woman anymore and for the first time in our marriage stood up for me. Marriage counselor pronounced us "CURED" and the next day it went to hell because he withdraw, got miserable, found fault with everything. Which he says is natural because he "held himself" up for all these months we were having problems and now that things are settling he is going into depression.<P>I am so absolutely miserably DEPRESSED, DEPRESSED, DEPRESSED. I want this feeling to end. I have been on medication for 4 months now. Actually felt like I was out of my depression completely and now I am back worse than before. I overeat, smoke too much. It is Christmas time, I am 14,000 miles away from everyone and everything I know. I have such a long story to tell, and I started writing today because I really need some objectivity and advice and other people, and now I do not have the energy/will to write about it.<P>You know how most arguments go around and around in circles and it drives you crazy ? I feel like I do not even have to volunteer any information about what further went on. The details mean nothing.<BR>THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO KNOW. If you love some-one, are you ashamed of them (he did not want to take me to a company function because he was scared that I would embarrass him - and it is a joke because I am so f***king British and a public scene is the last thing I would do.<P>Earings in his briefcase. Very defensive about being asked (he calls it "interrogated") about his where-abouts. He had a pager and cellphone for a week and I was the last one to know about it.<P>I have to run now, but I have ONE QUESTION FOR NOW ? In the past my intuition has been so spot on (with many things, many things) that it is almost scary. I know there is something going on with him right now, but he denies it. Tells me I have trust issues because of the past ? My argument is why did I not have these issues with him in those 2 good months ?<BR>Tells me the problem is mine. He tells me the reason why he has changed is because he has decided to change his "attitude about life and work". I suspect it's at work. He doesn't mind the weekends being over, comes home cheerfully, shower more often, eats gums and breath mints all the time. Wants to party with colleagues which has stabbed and rejected him in the worst way a couple of months.<P>BUT I AM JUST INSECURE. I DON'T HAVE PROOF. BUT MY WARNING LIGHTS ARE FLASHING ALL THE TIME. HOW MANY WIFES WERE TOTALLY WRONG ABOUT THEIR SUSPICIONS ?<P>

Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
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Joined: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,900
Sorry, to say I wasn't when I really started looking. I was clueless for awhile only because I thought my H was too honorable of man to ever have an A. Was I ever wrong. He tried to lead me to believe that what was wrong was me. There were EN that I had not met that led to his A but he refused to admit there was someone else for 3 mths, I was in such shock that he might want to sperate that it took me a couple of months before I was willing to start questioning. I turned into a very good detective & found proof of everything, was he ever shocked when I confronted him. <P>My advice go with your instinct, I don't believe that they are seldom wrong in these cases. <P>Prayers being sent your way. I know what it is to be so far from home, this is a good place to vent.

Joined: Feb 2000
Posts: 829
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Joined: Feb 2000
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Oh Sonet,<P>I am so sorry. Stories like this are what made me start to harden my heart against my H. I could not stand to lose him again after feeling everything was ok. <P>I don't want to make you even more sad, but yes, we have to listen to our inner voice. I am not the most religious person in the world, but I do think that voice comes from a higher source...it sort of prepares us for the worst. I had nothing but dreams to go on for a long time, I'd wake up and H would hold me and tell me that he loved me and he would never cheat...the whole time he was (and is) cheating.<P>I knew...just by gut instinct that when he went out of town a few weekends ago he was with OW#2...he had denied being anything but freinds with her...but I just knew, and he did tell the truth when I confronted him.<P>On the up side, he may just be going through withdrawl. If so, this is a time for us to be oh-so understanding, even if we want to rip their heads off. It seems like withdrawl can last for quite a while, but it is a necessary step for the WS to go through. When my H ended it with ow#1, and was still living here, he would sit up and watch old romance movies and cry. I had no idea what was wrong with this very masculine kinda guy I was married to. I'd seen him cry twice in 19 years of marriage. Duh, yep takes some of us longer to get it. Thank God I found MB and started understanding what was going on.<P>How many wives were totally wrong about their suspicions...well, I haven't met one yet. I hope that you're the first, but honey, prepare yourself...get some counseling. They will lie, lie, lie...even when they are totally caught. I felt like I could handle anything, as long as I started getting the truth, and now I'm starting to feel like I can.<P>You sound like a very smart person, very perceptive. My H made up all kinds of excuses why I could not come to his office. Even lied to me about a funeral to keep me from attending it because OW would be there. If I could do it over again, I think I would have started showing up down there when things were just starting up with them...I'd like to have made my presence as his WIFE known more often. Maybe not, and we can't change the past...but it saddens me that not only have I lost my H, I've lost my many freinds at his office.<P>allison


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