I just recently that my wife has been cheating on me for the past 13 years of our 18 year marriage. She has had 2 emotional affairs and 6 sexual affairs. Do you think that our marriage can be reconciled? Do you think that I can heal and trust again? Please share your advice, success stories or failures.<P>Thanks.<BR>

Paul,<P>It's possible, although you don't give any details on the affairs (length, cause), and you don't say how much you are currently in love with your wife (or whether she is in love with you---or willing to do counseling).<P>There are a couple of people who have posted here who have similar situations. Cl has a husband who suffers from sexual addiction, and professorg (rob) dealt with several affairs by his wife (successfully).<P>It's a lot of hard work. I'd suggest that you read the basic concepts, the Q&A's, and the articles on this site.

Each affair lasted several months with our friends including our 2 most recent pastors of our Baptist church. I am a deacon, music director, and Sunday School teacher. Wife is pianist, Sunday School teacher, and Youth leader. Each affair happened about 2 years apart. She most recently ended an affair with my friend of which caused the succession of confessions. She now supposedly realizes how much she loves me and wants to be my soul-mate for life. I still love her but am finding it hard to believe that she has repented and can be a changed person. But even if she does, how can I recover the 13 years that I feel like she cheated me out of a wonderful marriage. I had my faults and have acknowledged them. I have become a changed man. But imagining what she has done all these years makes me very angry and really not wanting to make it. I have 3 beautiful sons, 12, 9 and 5. We are beginning therapy sessions together with a psychologist tomorrow. She is willing to do whatever it takes to rid herself of this weakness. But even if I can believe that she has changed, how do I get over what she's done?<BR>

Hi Paul<P> That is a painful story. Why did she now confess? I have a very available son in law that had W my daughter, who cheated on him more than once. I told him not to be so available to her. People sure take us always availables for granted. To bad for them. Sorry not to encouraging. Well anyway my daughter is now calling her H ( who is no longer at her beckon call) and very concerned about him having girlfriend. HA HA <BR> She is actually living with OM. GOD BLESS<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Paul<P>Sometimes I think it is harder for people with deeply religious backgrounds to deal with adultery. We are taught all our lives it is wrong, how terrible God thinks it is & then it invades our lives it is such a shock. I was one of those that never thought I would be dealing with this, think my WS can't believe he is an adultery. How you get over it, time, prayer. At least you W is willing to get the help that she needs. Prayers that she get the help she needs, prayers for you that you can forgive & forget, think forgetting is the hardest, prayers for your sons.

What a very heartbreaking story. 13 years and<BR>with your best friend. This is really sick.<BR>I guess it is up to you. A pattern of 13<BR>years would be extremely difficult to break.<BR>You will never be able to trust her again<BR>of course and it will be extremely difficult<BR>not to dwell on the images in your mind.<BR>The bottom line with all this said and done<BR>is this: Would you be happier with her in<BR>your life or not in your life. Only you know<BR>that answer for sure.

Repentence is one thing. Forgiveness is another.<P>I pray for peace of heart every day to allow me to continue to forgive my H. His A is still going on and he is addicted to it. It is beyond his control. He cannot recall how our love feels, and this is part of the problem because the new relationship is all consuming. But it is an addiction. She can get counselling to help her with her behavior. You too must make changes in that region.<P>You need to fully go through and feel, to exorcise your feelings about the betrayal, so you can put it behind you. You have not done that. She also needs to know of your pain. You need to share this experience in a recovery setting aith a mediator to guide you. Take heart, there is great possibility. Do not be the martyr here, she did wrong, she knows it, work toward a rewarding future. You owe yourself this. The trust will return when it is earned.