Just need a little advice.<P>Background: My H and I are in the 90 day waiting period for our D to be finalized. He's the one who left. He's dated a little, but nothing serious (his words) since the separation. <P>In the meantime, I've been plan A'ing him. It's freed him up to be a little chatty iwth me, a little flirty with me and we've even slept together a few times following those flirtations. But always afterwards, he gets very distant (the next day), say's he doesn't want to hurt me or cause me anymore pain, says he doesn't want to cause tension or bitterness between us, but says he "still feels empty inside." This statement just makes me think - fill him up by meeting his EN.<P>I get that he's trying to say I shouldn't get my hopes up (even though being together does cause me to do just that).<P>I'm not sure if I should keep going down this road with him if it causes the withdrawal after even if it connects us emotionally in the short term.<P>Advice?<P><BR>------------------<BR>---------<BR>To err is human, to forgive divine.<p>[This message has been edited by soon2b_alone (edited December 15, 2000).]

IMO, the vast majority of WS's are suffering from clinical depression. It is not possible to meet the EN's of someone who is depressed. It is like trying to patch a severed artery with a bandaid.

My H is in love with the OW. He just does not feel the passion anymore(as if it is lost forever). He will not commit, he does not want there to be any expectations, Cannot make decisions, yet doesn't like me being what he describes as "mommy" even though he puts me in this role with his behavior. <P>This is the man I am dealing with. My friend adaquately descibes him as a teenager. But he is depressed, he finally is going to see the DR tomorrow for meds. Thank God. He has been spiraling downwards in the worst way. It is starting to affect his job. He just can't make ANY decisions. His brain is numb with all the pain he is in, and he has caused--and it goes directly against his base root behavior of not wanting to hurt anyone; not to be the bad guy. Funny for the WS-- Don't you think?<P>I am letting God have this burden for a while. I can do nothing.

Lisa,<P>Your subject caught my eye. My H told me he feels empty and that's why he searches other women not necessarily for sex, but conversation. He did this in July until the woman called the house in September and during that time before I knew, I was meeting all his needs and then some, which makes it so sad. Our pastor says his bucket is bottomless and he didn't really have any suggestions for me.<P>Anyway, back to you, I'm sorry for what you're going through. My suggestion is that you should keep doing what you're doing, but try not to go over board with the flirtations which will lead to sex. If you start getting that far, tell him you respect him and think you should forego sexual intimacy right now. Tell him you love him and enjoy the time together and you don't want to push him away. I think he'll respect you as well.<P>Good luck to you! Don't forget to take care of yourself as well.<P><><