7 months in recovery with a liar and thinks it is ok to talk to ow because it is just business. When I finally convinced him it was not ok, He used A phone card on his cell phone?? I asked him why and who?? Does not remember must just wanted to use up minutes?? Duh how dumb does he Think I am??<BR>Then he said if it was ow they would just be discussing business anyway. How do you get through to some of these people? <BR> He lies and denies everything even when it is black and white. I am tired of his attitude of just forget it. It was a mistake.<BR> <P>------------------<BR>Deb

You'll be hard pressed to get through to someone who is in the fog. They'll lie until its over. Have you decided what you are going to do?

Hi Flymsyex,<P>Listen Hon ... he's not going to stop until the A has run it's course ... it has to die it's natural death, it has to be HIS decision or he will never really be all yours again. You don't want him any other way, DO YOU???<P>I know how frustrating it is ... my H told me he ended it altho I had his pager PIN and listened to OW on a daily basis (several voice pages per day for 8 LONG mos)) It was NOT over. He did try .. yet the draw to OW was so compelling .... she would not leave him alone to sort thru his decision ... there was lots of contact and she continued to initiate it. <P>So ... if you have to live with him still contacting OW, you need to immerse yourself into Plan A. Bring out the BIG guns ... you know what I mean ... be Ghandi, Mother Teresa, Martha Stewart and Betty Crocker all rolled into one. Work on you and be nice to him (yuck and barf ... I know how hard this is).<P>If you can't continue Plan A with him in contact and living in the house then perhaps a seperation is on the horizon. That would take recovery back a few steps ... as I'm sure you know. And not the desired path to fix your marriage.<P>I'm really sorry he won't stop calling her and I'm sorry he's such a liar, I hate being lied to ... and some of the lies are so ridiculous ... makes me think our H's believe we're total morons.<P>Please be strong, Hon. Know I'm thinking of you and saying prayers.<P>Love,<BR>Jo

Hi Flymsyex.<P>Normally I would not post a reply to this sort of topic because I am not going through the same situation. You may know me as the "Revenge Guy" from my posts. You are definitely at an impasse and need to make some kind of move. You need to kick it into high gear. Hint at a "revenge affair", tell him that you are going to leave him. If he continues down the same path that he currently is on, then you need to really ask yourself is he really worth it.<P>Love is a crazy thing, but love cannot survive if only one of the partners is truly in love. I hope things work out for you. Remember to do what is right for YOU. You truly deserve this.

flymsyex <BR> We are all tempted to threaten a retaliatory affair, I refuse to play that game. I am not going to stoop to having sex with someone just to prove I can. Lord knows we can, it is the easiest thing to do. I would feel rotten not for him but for myself. Do what you can, to help you. Becoming a better person makes us feel good, if they are too deep in the fog to realize it then it still helps us. We can live without them, we just don't want to. Take care of yourself. Jenni<P>

One more thing, I do agree with JSG that you deserve so much better. I was not encouraging you to feel like a doormat. I also agree that the lies they tell are outrageous. Unbelievable. I just often shook my head and thought I couldn't have heard him correctly. I thought I married a man with intelligence.