<BR> In Dr. Harleys profile it states that he has a 90% success rate. <BR> Does anyone know if that is strictly marriages that have survived initially or do they follow through to check?<BR>

I'm sorry that I don't know the answer to your question, but I noticed your username and want to know your story if you want to share it!<P>I also live in MN, I don't know where Raymond is though.

deputywife:<P>This was included in the MarriageBuilder's December newsletter:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>============================================<BR>2. Year 2000 Tax Deductible Donations<BR> by Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D.<BR>============================================<P>Last December, I received letters and calls from a number of <BR>people who wanted to help us in our effort to save marriages <BR>by making a donation. But I had to explain that Marriage <BR>Builders, Inc. was a for-profit corporation, and as such, was <BR>not eligible for tax-free contributions. <P>However, it did get me thinking about what we could accomplish <BR>if we had more money. So I formed a new 501c3 corporation, <BR>The Association of Marriage Builders, Inc., whose stated purpose <BR>is to save marriages through education and research. This <BR>not-for-profit corporation will use its resources to support <BR>and train those who work in the trenches--professionals and <BR>non-professionals who are trying to help couples that are <BR>struggling in their marriage. It will also help develop <BR>effective ways to save marriages, and then to demonstrate <BR>that effectiveness scientifically (as it stands, we have tons <BR>of anecdotal evidence of the effectiveness of our methods, <BR>but we have not had the money to do carefully controlled <BR>studies to prove their effectiveness). <P>This December, if you would like to contribute to a worthy <BR>cause, consider the Association of Marriage Builders. So <BR>far it's only a name and a not-for-profit corporation shell, <BR>but in the year 2001, I would like to see us build it into a <BR>significant force for saving marriages. By this coming <BR>Spring, it will have its own web site, its own members, <BR>and its first projects up and running. <P>Send your contribution to: <BR>Association of Marriage Builders, Inc.<BR>6307 Kalen Drive<BR>St. Paul, MN 55129<P>In appreciation for your support, I will personally sign <BR>and send you a copy of His Needs, Her Needs, along with a <BR>receipt for your donation. <P>Best wishes, <P>Willard F. Harley, Jr., Ph.D. <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Wifeofcop:<BR><B>I'm sorry that I don't know the answer to your question, but I noticed your username and want to know your story if you want to share it!<P>I also live in MN, I don't know where Raymond is though.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P> Hi wifeofcop,<BR> As you guessed I am a wife of a law enforcement officer.<BR> He moved out in September. We started going to counseling at our church. The counselor imediately determined he was suffering from depression. Put him on medication. He is very transparent and I soon was told of an affair he was having with someone he works with. We have 18 wonderful, perfect years together. He changed absolutely over night. <BR> He has many issues with self esteem. When his uniform is on though he is bold but when it's off he's complacent. <BR> Our two teenage boys are heartbroken. I am lonely. The Lord has become my husband to fill the void that is left in my heart. <BR> I had been doing plan A for months not even realizing there was Dr. Harley. <BR> God has given me the forgiveness in my heart, but my H feels very unworthy and so there is alot of guilt on his part. My H has no pressure of day to day life now. So he is in a fog. <BR> He seems to spend alot of time at OW house because she bought him a German Shepherd puppy (Which I wanted to buy for him this Christmas but she beat me to it).<BR> Now he wants to buy the house next to hers "as an investment". Can we say FOG!<BR> He grew up in a Christian home, went to Christian school, now has turned his back on God completely. Has become very rebellious. He keeps telling me that it is nothing that I have done but that we got married too young (I was 18 he was 19 1/2) and wants a chance to do what "he wants to do". But only a month before and has said to me throughout our whole marriage, that he is so glad we got married young and he is so happy. <BR> When it really seemed to fall apart was when the department changed his schedule to rotating shifts. He couldn't sleep. He's been on nights for 5 years. He loves working nights. Whether or not this started the A or the depression, does not matter any more. He swears that it started after the depression. Whatever. All I know is I am heartbroken. He feels so guilty that he is hurting me and the boys, he doesn't want to hurt anyone. Even OW. The depression doesn't help as he can't make clear cut decisions, but that's part of his personality. Except when he is on the job. He is the best in the department. At least until this transpired. His work has suffered. Everyone in the department knows of the affair, so some won't talk to him. <BR> That's it in a nutshell. How about you?<BR> P.s. Just read a few of your past posts and it's scary how similar our H are.<BR> Yes, he definetely has depression. As I have learned he stopped doing anything that was a joy for him previously. Lost weight, couldn't sleep, became a workaholic (riding with other officers when he wasn't working, or so he says) would cry at the drop of a hat. Would pace the floor when at home, become agitated easily,among others. Medication has helped many areas but what it hasn't helped is him being able to make a clearcut decision about me and the OW.<p>[This message has been edited by deputywife (edited December 14, 2000).]

Deputywife,<P>I am sorry I have not responded to you sooner, I was having computer problems, I did try once but my response did not go through.<P>Yes, our situations are alot alike, only my H. is not having an affair (that I know of). Be thankful your H. is on meds, mine won't take them and won't seek counseling for his affliction or for our marriage. I have counseled with Dr. Harley a few times and he is well worth the money ($95) but I can't anymore because my H. feels it is a LB. I highly suggest you set up at least one appt. with him so he can get you on the right path!!<P>My H. drives around at night when he is done with work, just drives and drives, he says it is his therapy. He has seen a doctor and knows he has depression but he doesn't feel it is as bad as evryone else sees. He also mistakenly thinks that his depression is caused by our marriage problems but Dr. Harley says our marriage problems are caused by his depression and that he is not capable of making any marriage decisions until he is over his depression. <P>I read your other post regarding your H. wanting to move away, and my H. said sort of the same thing when our whole mess began. We have three children 6,4, and 19 months and they are not aware of any problems, he is still a great dad, and I am very thankful for that. He has not moved out but has said that he may have to so he can come to a conclusion to all of this. <P>Again, I urge you to call Dr. Harley for at least one appt. and continue your Plan A.<P>Good luck and keep me updated!