Rick - Couldn't agree more about declining to ride along next time. Could be she wants you in her sight to keep a pulse on you. Maybe a little more pulling back is needed. next time she calls to invite you to something, if it's not too important, tell you have plans. She'll probably want to know more, but tell her, "just plans." You're not lying, could be these plans are changing the air in you tires or washing the dishes. Just don't be so accessible and see what happens.<P>WAT

WAT,<P>I know the reason why she wanted me along for the ride. Made it easier to pick up something up. She had our D, so this way I could sit in the car while she ran in. Wife can act cheery for a minute while asking if I want to come along, but then turn stone cold.<P>Today she wanted a coffee at work. I didn't do it this time. Enough of that. I'm generally disgusted with her right now. The things the kids say, the impact on them, and the whole ridiculous situation. I have nothing to say to her now when we talk. Pulling back more is necessary.

Rick - I concur. This is what I'm doing also. The more we pull back, the less info they have about us and the bigger mystery we become. Of course, if we're not on their minds it doesn't matter. But since we both have to participate in the kid swap routine, we can take those opportunities to be cool. I've been trying real hard to present the attitude that I'm continuing my life and I've got a busy schedule - not always a fun schedule, but busy nontheless. Like today I did a little Christmas shopping, took care of the dogs and did some laundry. Whoopie! Actually, I made some points with her on the phone by demanding to know what was on her Christmas list. She previously said she had gotten her own stuff "from me." I said that was fine, but she doesn't know how to pick out that thoughtful, but useless gift, for her and that's my job, dammit! I asked her what her plans were for Christmas day and she said she thought "we'd" do Christmas morning at "the house" (my house) and then go to her parent's. I said OK. I guess it'll be like Thanksgiving was. Everyone knows about her situation, but she doesn't know they know. Weird science.<P>WAT

WAT,<P>We have the same "busy" schedule. Laundry, cleaning, shopping. Between work, the kids, and catching up with the household chores when the kids aren't here, there isn't much time to be cool.<P>What does her family know that she thinks they don't. Just the OM? My wife is much the same. Thinks her family knows nothing...they pretty much figured it out, plus MIL and I are close. Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary. Tough call, but I bought a lengthy "thinking of you" card. I don't think a standard happy anniversary card is appropriate. What do you think?

Rick - her family knows that what she presented as the reason for the separation is bunk. Her sisters know about the affair and her mother the OM, and one sister has discussed the possibility of an affair with OM with her mother, but I don't really know what her parents actually think - other than it's not what my wife wanted them to believe. I am on real good terms with them and this makes it hard, I presume, for my wife to make me into the bad guy - they won't believe it.<P>It's obviously not a happy anniversary for you, so the "thinking of you" card is probably appropriate, unless you might consider a card that is completely blank except for a single question mark.<P>WAT<p>[This message has been edited by worthatry (edited December 16, 2000).]

Rick<P>Hope your anv. is not to depressing. May your wife be very sad today, & remember the good times, & wish for more.<P>Thinking of you.