I have read so many post and I could never quite put myself into the same situation. I feel lucky that my H's A was brief and without emotional attachment. I wondered why it happened to us, we were really happy, I swore that I would treat him as I wished to be treated, we share so many things in common, and daily showed how much the other meant to us, Everyone told us that we were sickly sweet. We looked at it as a compliment.<P>Then we got married, the boat rocked then capsized, he turned into someone that I didn't know. Mean spirited, hateful, harsh, drinking, staying late, ended up kicking me out of my house, filing for D. I was in a state of confusion, my dreams shattered, by hope for true love flushed, then the truth came out, his foster mom had molested him for seven years, and continued to manipulate him for the next seven years. His breakdown started when we married, he felt he was betraying her... <P>I was not a docile partner, had high expectations in our marriage, he was on a path of destruction. When it all came out, he asked me to confront her which I did, she never denied any of it. His breakdown was complete. His mind twisted with what she described to him as love. She was 35 when it started he was 13. I wondered for so long as to why I was with this man. I had dealt with my abuse years before. Am strong enough to live on my own. <P>Things have been far from easy, as he is still only dealing with the tip of the iceburg of his lifelong abuse. He has lived thru things as a child that would have killed many adults. <P>Then the other day his ex-wife called me at work, she is aware of the abuse because the woman that called herself mom to him also had access to his young boys, anyway his oldest 7 went to his ex after a school program on good touches and bad touches and told her that his Nana (the abuser) had touched him bad. We had hoped that we ended contact in time, it seeems we did not. I was asked to handle it not only with Child Protection Services but also with my H. As the ex is remarried and preg, with thier second child. We are in for another hard ride, as they will undoubtedly question my H on his history with this woman. <P>Now I know why we went thru what we did, because if we would not have met, he might not have felt safe enough to come out with it, he hit rock bottom, he also knew of my history and looked at me as strong enough to buffer. I regret the A. (not as much as he does I am sure) but in the long run, it has saved his little boy from walking the same path that he has had to. For that I am grateful. <P>Thru it all I have learned a patience that I never thought I would have, a compassion that I wished I had had someone to show me when I was going thru it, and hope that by standing as adults, we can at least stop this one person who has effected so many of our lives from doing any more harm. <P>Thank you all for posting because by reading them all I have found a true strength and when I thought I had lost faith in humanity I found it accidently when I stumbled upon this sight. Thank you. Jenni
