Ok here we go, I'm new here, I'm not going to go into the glory details but I just wanted some insite from those going through this. My h told me he was having a A back in Feb after we moved, they started sharing things 2 months before then it got physical a month after. This is total not his nature, he left for 2wks then came back and he couldn't understand why he did, it broke his selfestem. Anyway I guess he couldn't handled it cause he stayed for 2wks and then told me that he thought it was best he get his own place, I told him to leave. It wa very hard, me and the kids lost everything, the house, ect. He moved in with his dad, so did the ow. I was hearing that they were starting to fight all the time. She is 16 yrs older than him and totally different then me, works in a topless bar and flashes her boops to everyone and her daughter is a case in herself, a runaway was in a rehab, ect. But anyway he started coming around alot more to see the kids. He got wing of me going out a couple of times and called me to say we needed to talk. Meet a a park and started telling me alot. Told me about him a her not getting along and that the way that I had been was all the things he was missing and that he was very jealous, but couldn't say anyhting cause of what he was doing. Anyway 2 days later he left her and was staying with my brother and we were with eachother the 4 days, then something happen, my guess is she called him. He told me that he wanted to get me and the kids a place and himself a separate place. I flipped. Anyway things got nasty. Then about 2months later I had got me and the kids a new place to live and he started coming over more. We would talk like never before, told me that he didn't want to leave but he new he would hear it if he didn't. Then one day he showed up to my house and we made love. Then he asked if we were alright cause it was really bother him how we were treating eachother and that he didn't want any secrets and wanted to be open. But I didn't ask him to come back. We were bonding and really talking no more sex since that last time, for about another month then in late sept he showed up at my door at midnight and asked if I wanted him to come home. Like a dream come true. I told that I did but I wanted it to be for keeps and he said that he was in it for the long run and has been missing me like crazy and had been wanting to hold me for so long. Him and the ow had gotten into a really big fight were the cops were called in, anyway, he was very low self esteem after the first day of being back didn't think he could do anything right cause of what he had done. That he tool time away from me and the kids lost our house and everything. Then she called saying that she had his truck title and he had to go meet her. I guess we don't have to go into details he didn't have sex with her but I guess the next day he started missing her. He left again that day. Is this all normal? His friend that picked him up that night told me that he does love me very much and that was why he kept on coming back but that he thought me and the kids deserve more. That was insep now he is starting to want ot talk to me and has been aking to do things againd. What is going on? This ow is totally opposite that him they get into fights were he hits himself. I didn't want my kids around that but about a month ago I started to let them go. But a couple of weekends ago theyfought in front of the kids and he hit imself over the head with a helmet. I do now he loves me and I can tell but I need to understand, will he ever come home or am I just hopomg. He has also goting wing of a man coming around here he's friend but he wants more and "I just need the copany. H says he understands now why I don't want the kids over there cause he has been up late thinking about another man taking his place. Any adice?

Hrtbroken,<P>Sorry to hear about what your going through. My advice to you would be read about affairs. A couple good books I have read are "Surviving an Affair" by Dr. Harley and "After the Affair" by Janice Abrahms Springs. The more you learn about them, why they happen and how to recover from them the better you will be. I would also suggest getting into some counciling if you can. Get all the help you can during this time and take care of yourself. Keep coming back here too. It sure helped me to know that there were other folks here going through the same thing I did. Praying helps alot to. <P>God's strength and much patience to you.<P>Tim

I have read those books and many more. They have helped me alot, but I guess you can say there are still things up in the air. I guess what I'm wanting to know do they come in and out of the fog till they finally hit reality. He told me last time that we got back together was that I can have anything that I wanted that he has seen me, had m, ect and makes he want me more. I'm just trying to really understand what she has that I don't. Which from everything that I have heard, nothing. He told me that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. Can anyone help?

Hrtb,<P>Don't try to figure out what is going on with your husband to much. Folks caught up in affairs are a pretty crazy bunch to figure out. Half the time there are probably not telling the truth either. Trying to figure it all out can really make you crazy. So you have read the books, good start. Have you thought about doing any phone counciling with Steve Harley? You can find his number and more info about contacting him on this web site. Don't get caught up in trying to figure out what you can do to win him back either. Work on making yourself a healthier person and evenuatully it will pay off for you. Wish I had more I could tell you, but it does work out in the end.<P>Tim

So reality am I just wishful thinking or something and the sign that he gives me is nothing? I['m just wondering if I have hope. Last night he was here and he was like himself but I kept my distance from him. But if there is no hope than I don't even want him around me cause it is so hard for me to see or even talk to him, it's harder to let go. I read a book that said to invision him as being dead. What should I do?