This question is for all WS, and perhaps for BS as well if they have ideas or input.<P>I'd like to know if any WS out there who had contemplated or actually made steps toward D, was there a time after filing that you questioned or doubted your decision of D'ing your S? Even tho you may have felt that there may not have been a snowballs chance in H*ll for your marriage, did you ever want to resend your decision and retract the D proceedings because you still felt love for your BS. Did you still love your S when you decided to D them and if so, why would you want the D?<P>As you may know my H has filed but tells me he still loves me. It would make it so much easier if he'd tell me he doesn't love me anymore .. then I could probably understand his need to D.<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>Josie_Res@Hotmail.com<P>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited December 17, 2000).]

Hi Jo, <P>I am the BS - I am requesting the divorce, but we will work together - trying to keep it friendly. <P>It would take one tough snowball to survive the hell we have just gone through and at this point - we both just want to get on with our lives. We will do it as friends - thank goodness for that. <P>I suppose there is always hope and I have told our counselors you just never know what the future holds, but right now - we are both just waiting for the paperwork to process. <P>I still have a love for my husband and he does for me also - we just don't work out together as married folks. <P>J

Jo, I am sorry that you are going through this, and I pretty much know how you feel. Throughout, my husband has never denied that he still loves me, but would never attempt to reconcile and still saw a lawyer about divorce. I don't know where he is at with that at the moment, and, frankly, at this point I don't care to know.<P>I too, wish that he had just said he couldn't stand the sight of me ... and that he had picked someone at least comparable to me to replace me with... the idea of slug in his life forever makes me wanna puke, she is soooo not decent.<P>Hugs...<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR><B>Courage</B><P>Whatever course you decide upon,<BR>there is always someone to tell you<BR>that you are wrong.<P>There are always difficulties arising<BR>which tempt you to believe that your <BR>critics are right.<P>To map out a course of action <BR>and follow it to an end <BR>requires courage.<P><I>Ralph Waldo Emerson</I>

I am a WS<P>I think it can be compared to what they call in the Property Business - Buyers remorse and Sellers remorse.<P>I said to my wife that I loved her through every thing.<P>The day of the D, in court I wanted to shout at the judge to stop the proceedings and that I don't want the D any more. But-People are proud beings and don't want to lose face in public - so I stood my ground and the D was granted.<P>We've been divorced 18 mnths now and I still love my wife - and the D is one of the more/most/utmost stupid things i've done in life.<P>Why - I don't know - Selfishness, Pride, LBing .............<P>Now it is TO LATE !!!!!!!<P>Sorry - it is that time of the year that I won't be with my kids or wife and I'm just feeling down generally.<P>DJ

terri:<BR> That's funny, I feel the same way about my W's OM. A lot of the time that seems to be the hardest thing of all to take. I could understand this much better if he were better looking than me, had money, etc. I have a good job with a very promising future, we just bought a great house this summer that all our friends rave about, we are far from well off, but can afford to do things we like, etc. I'm very intelligent (not trying to toot my own horn). I'm 29 and she's 28 yo. This OM she picked is 26. He lives at home with his parents. He is unemployed. He does not own a car. He is awaiting a trial date next March for malicious assualt where it is quite likely that if he plea bargains down he will get 6 months in state pen (that could be a good thing if I can keep her here long enough, how's that for a no contact plan). He is basically the absolute epitome of a loser, with no future. He sleeps in all day and goes drinking every night. And that's it. I find that the most confusing part of all, what could anyone see in him.....