Well, guys, in last two weeks I discovered some confusing facts, mostly with no intention. I really stopped snooping when I reached my internal peace, knowing I'll be OK with him or without him. <P>Now, in last 3-4 weeks since I can see this what I believe is change for the better, H seems fairly honest, however something is wrong, just doesn't fit. I don't know what is going on regarding OW, we never talk about it, and have very little information from other sides. However, I suspect somebody else is in the apartment with him, too. Maybe not living with him, but I have reason to suspect at least OW has keys. Once I couldn't access our shared mailbox (it's his business account I can access), it was in use by somebody else from his apartment, at the time he couldn't possibly be there, because three minutes later he rang my door. <P>Then, once when he was allegidly on two day business trip I passed by his apartment on my way back from the meeting (inavoidably I have to pass by on my way home) and saw lights and his car parked in front yard. It puzzled me, but I thought he maybe forgot to turn off lights. I couldn't resist snooping then, next morning, I drove around his house and saw the car at the same place, but lights were turned off. <P>I also discovered a number of calls (Internet connections) from his apartment at the time he was at work. (and he really was, I'm positive). In most cases it couldn't be BIL (it's his apartment), nor it was any of the family members, I'm positive. I don't know about present, but OW was on quite long sick leave since mid Oct, so she could be there at the time he was at work. <P>I know he also spends some time with parents, and quite a lot with BIL, when he is in town. Anyway, this is bewildering. Any ideas? <P>Adrian <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Adrian (edited December 18, 2000).]

Adrian,<P>How do you feel about all of these discovery? do you feel hurt or just confused?<P>I think you know the answer for these discovery. You are saying in your post.<BR>You said your H couldn't be doing these things, and BIL.. so who's left?<P>I'm sure your H isn't being honest with you completely, maybe that's because he feels bad or awkward to tell you.<P>You seem handling things pretty well. I don't know if you intend to talk these things with your H, but it's good you feel you will be ok with or without your H.<P>Take care,<P>Meg<BR>

MF, <P>thanks for your post. Well, in the meantime I discovered BIL really was in town at a time I couldn't access mailbox, quite possible he was at the apartment too, but it still confuses me why would he access H's business account (if it was him, at all, but thinking both BIL and OW being there seems a bit unbelievable). However, that whole day H spent with us here at home, as well as the next one (weekend, but didn't stay overnight), so, I think, if she is there and he spends days with us, it's her problem to cope with. <BR> <BR>However, it still puzzles me who might have been in the apartment that night. Next day afternoon H called me from work (100% true, but also sounds unbelievably, it takes at least 3 hours drive from the place he supposed to be on meeting.) That evening he also spent with us. <P>Our communication is relaxed and quite frequent in last 4 weeks, I really thought things are improving. Can't tell much about situation regarding OW, I don't know what's going on, but from what I see, I'm even not sure if she is in the picture any more. I mean, I'm sure they are in contact, although I don't have any solid proof, but is it EA, PA or his withdrawal I just don't know. <P>Everything has already been told between us, I knew there was EA (probably turned to PA) going on, I got that "I love her" talk, he ended up in a severe depression, decided to move out, and some time after that she spent weekend with him at his aunt's abroad. But now, I don't see her much around, I mean, MIL asked me what on earth is that he wants, we were together at FIL's birthday lunch last Saturday, both BILs act normally to me ... <P>After all what happened, when everybody actually knew about the A, moreover, supported him why should he hide her, or they are all so good actors (MIL, FIL, BILs, H)? Anyway, why would they need to pretend? <BR>I just don't know. For now, I don't think I'll discuss it with H, I think it could be deadly wrong timing and huge LB, if he is in withdrawal (there are some firm signs...). PTC, I guess ... <P>Merry Chistmas to you all, <P>Adrian