I posted this message in the Plan A/Plan B group, but I see more people in this section, so I'm going to repost. Any advice would be very much appreciated. I'm at the point where I'm ready to give up, when do I start getting what I want.<P>My H and I are no legally separated and have been living apart since September 28. He left saying he needed space and later I found it he is having an EA, I don't believe that it has become a PA, but who can be sure with all the lies. I had a counseling session with Steve Harley last week and I plan to have another one, but I have so many questions. I'm trying the Plan A and I've been reading LB and I am waiting for the Surviving An Afair book to arrive. It is just so discouraging when he doesn't want to see me and hardly talks to me.<BR>A week ago he stopped by our house to visit. This was the first time that he had done that since he moved out. It was a nice surprise and now he is saying that he didn't want to give me any false hope. His parents had two holiday parties this weekend and he didn't want me to come. We have a 9 mo. son and he had him for the weekend and when he brought him home today he brought his brother with him, probably so he wouldn't have to stay. It is so discouraging and hard to try when he talks about possibly not wanting to see me for Christmas. How can I fill his needs if he lets her do it and won't talk to me? I have mailed him many cards and sent him flowers recently, he said thank you for them and didn't seem irritated, but it also doesn't seem to be doing anything. He still doesn't want to see me.<P>If anyone is further down the road than we are and have some advice for me, I am desparate need of it. I very much want my husband back and I know it will take a lot of work on my part, but it doesn't feel like anything I'm doing is helping. Thanks for listening and again any advice or examples are most helpful.<BR>

Hi BubsMom,<P>Welcome to MB! Sorry you need to be here.<BR>I don't have any advice for you, but it sounds to me like you're doing all the right things.... (Plan A, counseling, reading the books, etc.).<P>From what I've read on here it's fairly common for guys to pull this stuff during their W's pregnancy and early days with the new baby. They feel like they're not getting enough attention or some such crap. This just boggles my mind......I never felt closer and more in love with my W than when our d's were born. What the heck's wrong with these guys?!<P>Oh well, I'll pray that your H wakes up REAL soon....<P>Hang in there lady.<P>Bill<P>PS: Hug that lil Bub feller for me!

I read another bood called "after the affair" and it went on to say that men usually begin affairs when a major turn in their life happens. Like a new job,fatherhood(each time possible), promotion, 1st house buy--just about anything that could scare a man about the future can lead to this. The reason is that they are riddles with stress and they almost feel like a failure because they cannot handle it, so they go out to "feel good," , really special, it happens when their resistance is low. When their self esteem is battered or threatened. <P>What it was saying is that be on you guard always with your man, or woman for that matter. It is probably the same for them...