As some of you know, my H has a job he despises, working for a man whose idea of being a boss is to berate and belittle. This job is literally eating my H alive. He's far too thin, he can't keep any weight on, he's depressed, and his boss pushes all his "demanding father figure for whom nothing he does is good enough" buttons that even his FATHER doesn't push anymore.<P>He has spoken of a job available with his old boss (the one who hired Dragon Lady into his old company and who MAY be the father of Dragon Lady's son) that might involve as much as 90% travel.<P>As you can imagine, I'm not thrilled with this prospect, for a number of reasons. First of all, I think that much travel wreaks havoc on a marriage under the best of circumstances, let alone one in which I don't know if Dragon Lady is part of the package (and no, I don't dare ask). Second of all, right now my H is so desperate I think he'd take anything else at all, and frankly, I don't think he'd be any happier living on the road most of the time than he is now. I understand that he wants to get out of there, but out of the frying pan and into the fire isn't exactly a solution.<P>I can't imagine any man living out of hotels 90% of the time and not at some point seeking out companionship of some sort.<P>I'm not thrilled about this prospect, but on the other hand, I don't exactly relish the prospect of having him blame me for still having to put up with his current boss.<P>Yes, I know there are other job options, but he hates interviewing, and seems loath to do much searching elsewhere. He had a good interview a few weeks ago, but locked his keys in the car, which I'm sure didn't inspire confidence.<P>Anyone got any suggestions as to how to handle?

Dazed and Confused:<BR>The situation you describe is "between a rock and a hard place". Neither option, the old job or the new job where Dragon Lady is part of the package, would appeal to me in your position.<P>Sorry, no suggestions. If he can't job search on the internet discretely or through a headhunter, and if he can't overcome dislike of interviewing, gosh I don't know.<P>Sounds very hard for both of you.<P><BR><B>As some of you know, my H has a job he despises, working for a man whose idea of being a boss is to berate and belittle. This job is literally eating my H alive. He's far too thin, he can't keep any weight on, he's depressed, and his boss pushes all his "demanding father figure for whom nothing he does is good enough" buttons that even his FATHER doesn't push anymore.<P>He has spoken of a job available with his old boss (the one who hired Dragon Lady into his old company and who MAY be the father of Dragon Lady's son) that might involve as much as 90% travel.<P>As you can imagine, I'm not thrilled with this prospect, for a number of reasons. First of all, I think that much travel wreaks havoc on a marriage under the best of circumstances, let alone one in which I don't know if Dragon Lady is part of the package (and no, I don't dare ask). Second of all, right now my H is so desperate I think he'd take anything else at all, and frankly, I don't think he'd be any happier living on the road most of the time than he is now. I understand that he wants to get out of there, but out of the frying pan and into the fire isn't exactly a solution.<P>I can't imagine any man living out of hotels 90% of the time and not at some point seeking out companionship of some sort.<P>I'm not thrilled about this prospect, but on the other hand, I don't exactly relish the prospect of having him blame me for still having to put up with his current boss.<P>Yes, I know there are other job options, but he hates interviewing, and seems loath to do much searching elsewhere. He had a good interview a few weeks ago, but locked his keys in the car, which I'm sure didn't inspire confidence.<P>Anyone got any suggestions as to how to handle?</B>[/QUOTE]<P><P>------------------<BR>Belle, Domestic Goddess

Set a boundry! I know this is real life--job and everything--livlihood. But if your marriage depends on your h NOT getting that job, then say no way! It is important to set this. I did not even know I could set boundries 8 years ago when we moved here with H's job. Then 5 years ago, he took a similar promotion(to your situation) without even consulting me!!! He took it and our life degenerated further into what it is today. We are not evn friends, confidates, lovers--we are roomates, and he loves someone 2500 miles away. Someone he met on one of those dang trips.<P>Set it.

Hello,<P> My H travels too. That is how we got into this mess. He has been on this job for 4years.He is trying to get different job. I figure as long as he is gone from home, about 3/4 of the time it will take me years to go through recovery at stage it takes most people 1 year. Like my DR said You can't fix a marriage when your H is gone all the time." She is right It is not worth it.<P>------------------<BR>Deb

Hard call...Dazed.<P>Personally, the best approach may be to discuss the options and ask leading questions so he comes to conclusion that he does not want to travel that much.<P>After all, he is kind of a low key stay around home kind of guy, anyway.<P>Of course you just might not get the results you want...<P>On the other hand, the potential for having him mental blame you for keeping in him in his current job related torture chamber, may be real.<P>I think I like Plan C, whatever that is

Trust me..a job which requires travel..and marriage doesn't mix..My stbx has traveled nine years out of our nine year marriage..more like 99% of the time..when I asked him many times to look for another job<BR>he wouldn't..he finally told me this year<BR>he has no intentions of doing so..and never has..even though he has told me many times over the years he would...so i had to except the fact that he just doesn't want to be here..I haven't been the best wife..I know that..but then..how could I be w/ him being gone all the time...