I have been working on plan A with my H, but it is difficult with him working in Michigan with the OW and me being in Pennsylvania. He admitted on Dec 2nd that he had a relationship with OW. It was the first time since the affair discovery on Oct. 22nd that he actually admitted to anything. Since then we have been civil to each other. I have not been doing any LB and we have had no aguments. Today we talked and he asked if he could be here Xmas morning to watch our son (who is 3) open gifts. I told him that I would think about it. We started talking and I asked him if he was still involved with OW. His response was "not to the extent that it was". What does that mean? <P>After giving it some thought I advised him that I didn't think Xmas morning was a good idea, but that he could have him for the entire day Xmas eve. He said what is the difference between Xmas eve and Xmas day and I said well you would just pick him up and not be in the house with me. I told him that I emotionally cannot be with him on Xmas when our marriage is in the state that it is. Did I do the right thing?

That is a tough one, and I think it depends on where you are in your situation...ie. Plan A, Plan B. If you are trying a somewhat Plan B oriented thing, then I suppose it is right. If in Plan A, then I'd lean towards having Xmas together. However, I think this is a personal decision that needs to be made according to how you feel, so I don't think one can say you did wrong. You say you can't spend it together with your marriage in this state.<P>There is always the issue of do you take the Plan A approach or do a bit of tough love and take a stand. I guess you are taking a stand.<P>And regarding the "not to the extent that it was"....I take all comments about OP with a huge grain of salt, because quite simply, WS cannot be trusted to tell you accurate stuff. It is too hard to tell what is going on. Important thing is to do what is right for you, Plan A/B, do it your best, and not focus on the OP too much. Easier said than done.